Do singles always have to search everywhere?
My weekend was really nice. On Friday I recovered on the sofa from the work week. On Saturday, the obligatory shopping / washing / cleaning was done quickly and in the evening I was with my dearest friend at her kitchen table. We only laughed. And Sunday: I spent mainly in bed, later I was jogging. When I tell a friend about it on Monday, she is appalled. "You're going to screw it up, go out and meet someone, otherwise there'll never be a change in your life."
I'm annoyed. I'm in my late thirties and single - so what? I would like to have a new relationship, but at the moment I'm annoyed by finding a partner. For a long time, I thought that I would have to look after my "full time job" project, especially the "finding a friend" project. Online dating, smartphone dating, going out on Saturday evenings, going for a Sunday stroll on a date and keeping your eyes peeled anytime, anywhere. Any, but really every situation should be used to find the man for the next few years, was the tip of some girlfriends. I do not want that anymore. This attitude drove me into Dating Burnout.
Can I prevent a relationship? Hamburg-based psychotherapist Ursula Böhm sees it this way: "To be on the lookout can turn into a cramp, and a more relaxed attitude would be to admit that you want a new partner, but you do not make everything dependent on it. Being satisfied with myself does not depend on my soul happiness. "
Some single friends see it differently. One even went so far as to set dates for us to go through the bars to meet men. If a bar turned out to be a miss, she had to be changed quickly. Everything on schedule, everything efficient, just like in the job. It was a stain on her eyes to be single. That's why she also often howled my ears and analyzed in endless conversations what we did wrong and others, Liierte just, right. I do not meet her anymore. I do not want strategy dates for the weekend and I'm not a flaw. I'm single.
Some users of the ChroniquesDuVasteMonde community are similar. They tell how exhausting it is to go out with girlfriends who are searching. Her eyes kept pacing the room for suitable men - what the other person had to say was no longer interesting.
I decided that these evenings should not be there for me and took a break from finding a partner. I want to be important to myself again and enjoy my time. This does not always work, because of course not everything is great. Since I no longer search for a friend, I do not get to know anyone anymore. I wonder if there is no middle ground? A search that does not eat me up?
Ursula Böhm advises: "There are people who go through life with an open view, others are more inward-it's worth asking what type you belong to - are they open or cautious signals that you send out? If you realize that you are more in yourself and you want to change that, you can open yourself a little by smiling, with nice words or glances, and see how men react. "
I admit that I'm not the guy who smiles at men with a light heart. I'm too suspicious of that. A quality that I do not like about myself. Ursula Böhm says: "Many women have a longing for a relationship, but also a fear of getting involved, and they often do not realize it, because their longing takes up more space in their thoughts than their fear, but those who admit their fear , may wonder what triggers her and whether she is truly eligible. "
I am probably one of the group that is afraid to search. That's why I want to be good to me from now on - I'm a great woman, I'm female, loving and vulnerable. I will look for a new relationship, as good and as often as I can. The rest will come when he comes.
