6 tips on how to better talk about bad sex
If there is a night stand in bed, do not do it the way you have imagined. But what if the sex in the steady relationship is bad and you do not just talk about "Next, please!" can check off?
First of all, it is a very bad idea, even while you are in action, to start a policy discussion between the sheets. With a "Uh, what's going to happen now?" Bring your partner into a very uncomfortable situation where he can quickly feel attacked.
The American sex therapist Tiffanie L. Davis Henry has presented via Shape a few helpful tips on how to do better:
1. Choose the right environment!
Cut the tricky topic best when you both relax and NOT in bed - at dinner, for example, or when you are resting comfortably on the couch.
2. Start with a positive statement!
A critique, framed in a praise, is much better than a critical statement alone. For example, "I love it when you kiss my neck, you're welcome to do that much more often," rather than "It's annoying to me that you always get down to business so quickly."
3. Do not expect miracles!
From the sex talk you should exclude things that your partner can not change, even if he wanted. This includes the way he is equipped downstairs as well as the natural scent of his body. It's about changing certain behaviors, not the whole person!
4. Ask him for his wishes!
For an open conversation about sex, it is essential that you not only talk about your own desires. Your partner has exactly the same right to a fulfilling sexuality, so ask him what he likes and what he can do without.
5. Make yourself a list!
Therapist Henry recommends this trick to couples with sex problems: Make a list of three categories: 1.) Things I always stand for. 2) things that I think are mostly ok and 3.) things that I do not like at all. Exchanging your own lists and learning more about the likes and dislikes of the other in a playful way.
6. Get support from the expert!
Sometimes sex does not improve after many conversations. If you feel like you are at a dead end, trust a sex therapist or psychologist - the outside view can often be very helpful.
