Your self-image determines how quickly you are over your ex
Separations are hell - even if you stop yourself. Because no matter how hard the love crisis was before, shortly after a separation, we are in a state of emergency. Some suffer softly, others share their pain (and the many, many tears) with the best friends.
One thing is clear: how bad the lovesick becomes is not necessarily related to the duration of our ex-relationship. Sometimes we sadly mourn someone we had a short but intense time with. And we all know people who are better at dealing with lovesickness than others. Why is that?
New study distinguishes two personality types
American psychologists Lauren C. Howe and Carol S. Dweck of Stanford University have found in a new study that our self-image plays a big role in how quickly we get over a breakup. They distinguish two groups:
- People who say that they have a certain character (eg courageous, shy, optimistic, anxious) - and this has been created since childhood and not changeable, in short: "I have always been so and so I will stay. "
- People who do not have such an unalterable image of their character traits and believe that personal qualities can also change over the course of life, in short: "I used to be like that, but today I react differently."
The more deadlocked the self-image, the longer the lovesickness
People who have a fixed self-image (Group 1) are more difficult with separations than those with a more flexible self-image. They are more likely to refer to the rejection of the other as a person and feel rejected as a whole. From them you will not hear that the relationship has failed because the ideas about the future did not match or you have lived apart. Through the separation, they generally feel "inappropriate".
And that's not all: these people are much more aware of earlier separations and the pain they cause - which, in turn, can negatively impact the self-healing process. They are afraid to be unlovable and have to spend much longer in a breakup.
In contrast, people with a not-so-self-image (group 2) are more likely to regain the courage to engage in a new relationship. The reason: By a separation, they are not shaken to the foundations. Their self-image also suffers, but they usually recover faster from the heartache.
