Why do we usually have to love twice? before we find the right one

In sandbox or school, find the great love and spend the rest of life happily on cloud seven with her. For some maybe a nice, romantic idea and for some even the definition of true love? but in reality rather exception than rule! And with good reason.

Psychologists are of the opinion that most people have to love at least twice before they are ready for the love of their (remaining) life. The first two times, in a nutshell, serve to show us what love is not, Negative could also be said: disillusion us.

The three big loves

1. The idealistic love

The first time we love someone, we are in the process of conforming to one pattern, ours (socially influenced) Dream and ideal of love and partnership, We expect from a "right" relationship passion and harmony, romance and security, adventure and familiarity. We have specific claims to ourselves and our partners and do everything we can to fulfill and sustain these claims.

Secretly, however, we feel the Discrepancy between our dream of the perfect love world and what is actually possible, That's why we can never quite drop ourselves, for example, attaching great importance to the opinions of outsiders. Expressing concern to parents or friends, that shakes us up. When this first special relationship breaks, we deal with the separation pain a double farewell: From our first great love and ideal. Nevertheless, it is nice for most people to remember the first love. Because at least for a while we lived with her our dream ...

2. The dramatic love

Our second big love we go quite differently: we know that in the relationship nothing is perfect from the outset? but are determined to make as much as possible as perfect as possible. Often the second is great love marked by passion, but also by pain and drama. Depending on which personalities in the partnership meet, the participants either suffer psychologically or are struggling and rubbing against each other.

This time we whistle on the advice from outside and only listen to our inner voice? but only to realize that this is not always omniscient ... If this relationship breaks, it may be that not only the second time our heart is broken, but ours Lose faith in love, But then we are ready for love number three!

3. The mature love

For the third big love is typical that she comes when we least expect it ? and is triggered by someone we would never expect! After we have learned one and two in love and reconciled ourselves to the fact that there is neither the prince charming, nor we can turn anyone into one, we are mostly not looking so hard anymore (after someone certain). As I said: Often we do not really believe in love after the drama of our second attempt.

But that's what makes us open to the right person. For the person who shows us that nothing has to be perfect to be right, Who does us good and encourages us alone with her nature to be the person we feel well and happiest. This love usually withstands all evils and attacks, with it we survive difficult times and can give ourselves completely to the good.

Is not there a shortcut?

That one has to say goodbye to ideals in order to be happy, is true in many areas of life? not only for love! But still a question arises: Does this really necessarily always happen through painful experience? And: Can we do nothing so that the first great love lasts until the end of life? Well, let's say this:What is certain is that we learn from experience and emotional experiences more, more intensively and more sustainably than from wisdom or ingenious thoughts, But as for these three failed attempts in love ...Who says that it must necessarily be three different partners?