Sexout: What to do if sex falls asleep?

Author and philosopher

Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex strengthens the relationship. Sex with toys. Sex without remorse.

We live in a sex-obsessed time. An entire industry relies on our lust for pleasure: naked breasts promote products that are as sexy as dusty garden gnomes. The next porn video is just a click away. Quick affairs are initiated on the smartphone by finger wiping.

And then there is the reality of couples who are no longer in the first, intoxicating infatuation phase when they can not get out of bed anymore. You still use the bed? but mainly for sleeping or watching TV.

Sex becomes a problem, especially because he does not happen all the time. But gradually from the relationship disappears.

Away from the pressure of having to have sex all the time

The philosopher and bestselling author Wilhelm Schmid ("happiness", "serenity") has found a new, catchy name for this: Sexout.

In his new book, he makes suggestions on how couples can handle it. The goal: more serenity. A life without the pressure to constantly have sex. Because he weighs on the couples. They feel "not normal". Believe something is wrong with them and the relationship.

Schmid says in the ChroniquesDuVasteMonde interview (1/2015): "People need challenges in order to feel themselves and their lives, to develop themselves further and not fall asleep prematurely." Mastering challenges is a true way of life. "

Having little or no sex is such a challenge. Do you meet Schmid? and this is a new, exciting approach - philosophically. From him you get no practical tips à la "seduce your husband with sexy lingerie!"

Instead: questions that make you think. Like these: "What can I expect or allow the other?" or "How is he or she best approachable, sensual, mentally, mentally or" Can I understand the other. And above all, do I want it anyway? "

A sexout is anything but abnormal

Ten proposals to philosophically approach the Sexout, the author gathered in his book. He addresses topics such as gender equality, power and powerlessness in a relationship, virtual and commercial sex, and friendship.

At the core, it's always about communication. With the partner AND with himself. On the one hand, it's about not retreating sulkily. And it's also about asking yourself the question: "How important is sex really for me?"

Schmid makes it clear: It is not unusual for sex to fall asleep in a longer relationship. Once again, the philosopher finds a catchy image for his thesis: he speaks of the "pandaisation" of the sex life.

What do you mean with that? "In similar postures as pandas in the zoo, two make themselves comfortable on their armchairs and sofas, nibbling their chips just as leisurely as those of their bamboo, then hanging on the ropes just as exhausted, too tired for a purposeful rapprochement."

That was completely ok, "if both like it." Also, how can it be okay that there are times to seek sex elsewhere? about virtual or for sale? "a confession of relaxed customs" in a sense, which is of course not just for a part of the couple.

The philosophy, Schmid is convinced, can help the sex out, "because it is an encouragement to the attempt of understanding."

Read the excerpt "Sexout - And the Art of Starting anew"