Needs in a relationship: "Long-term couples are becoming more and more similar"
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: Professor Andresen, you say that our? Relationship personality? not necessarily identical with our general personality. Why do you think that?
Burghard Andresen: On the one hand, has personality research and diagnostics largely left out the area of intimate relationships? - One could almost say: taboo, so that the usual science-based personality test does not provide sufficient information about our relationship personality. On the other hand, according to many personal experiences, it must be assumed that the relationship personality actually develops quite independently of the non-relationship-related personality components. So it may well happen that the dominant executive strong manager in the intimate love life rather gives the "masochistic bunny".
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: Can two people be happy with each other even though they have very different relationship personalities?
Burghard Andresen: Of course, basically yes, but it depends in detail on the areas in which the opposites are formed. Some opposites are attractive and appealing, others may fit functionally in the sense of a good division of labor of unequal partners. However, certain contradictions tend to create massive potential for conflict and should be taken into account when choosing a partner. But even unfavorable constellations can work in an advisory and therapeutic manner. The relationship personality continues to evolve, is not once and for all? Carved in stone ?. Long-term pairs are becoming increasingly similar, in the favorable case, the unfavorable opposites are abraded? and bearable.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde.com: So you can change the relationship personality so willingly.
Burghard Andresen: I think that deliberate acts of will alone are not enough to change the relationship personality, at least not in the Hauruck process. But to work continuously on one's own personality - perhaps supported by sympathetic fellows of our trust - is always possible and often successful. The most important influence on the relationship personality - of course - the relationships themselves. We grow with them, in a positive case, or take care of ourselves in the negative case. Above all, a good relationship can do a lot, including closing some untreated wounds from older relationship experiences.
