When fear is at the wheel
Sometimes I'm in the middle of a mess. Like now. In a nice conversation, I casually told our editorial manager that I do not drive at all anymore and somehow I am also afraid of driving. And what comes back: "That's a good topic, just write about the fear and try a driver training." OK. At this point I would have liked to offer her three things to get out of the number again. 1. "Oh, nobody wants to read that, but I could give a lecture on another topic in front of 100 people." By the way, if you ever need someone who reads in quantum physics, ask me quietly. " 3. "No, but I could do a self-test, as a root canal treatment without a syringe feels." All this I would have preferred. Instead, I say, "Sure, no problem."
In fact it is a problem. I've done a lot in life: new cities, new friends, new jobs. But driving has remained a construction site. My driver's license I managed with 18 years still without problems. In the small village in the Münsterland, where I grew up, that was quasi emergency and duty. But when the big cities came, I had no money for a car at the beginning and no more courage later. It was also without. Driving a car is scary and abstract to me. My personal "Sodom and Gomorrah". In my imagination, there is chaos, people are run over and I lose track. And I have no problem with it when others drive.
The right place to start when you're afraid of driving a car.
But if fate will, I face fear. About Google, I find a suitable point of contact: www.angstfrei-autofahren.de Behind it is Alexandra Bärike. She is a driving instructor and psychologist and four years ago specialized in advising and treating people with car-related worries. It helps clients with panic attacks as well as those who just have a lack of driving routine. Three quarters of the people who come to her are women. They all have one thing in common: they already have a driver's license. This kind of offer is just right for me. Because I do not want to go to a "normal" driving school and sit in the car together with 18-year-olds. I also fear that I could catch a driving instructor like my former one there. He never tired of constantly listing all my mistakes.
In practice, a preliminary discussion takes place
On a sunny Saturday I enter the practice of Alexandra Bärike in Hamburg. The fear accompanies me. I know that nothing can happen to a driving instructor, but it takes me a lot of strength to face these fears. But Alexandra Bärike is beaming at me. Her two small practice rooms are Asian soothing with Buddhas and lamps with soft lighting.
At her desk, we first analyze my "car history". I talk about my driving routine in the countryside, my lack of practice in the city, my fear of changing lanes and my fears of losing track and reacting too slowly. Also, I feel that all the world could think, "What a stupid woman is driving there."
I am taken seriously
When I told others about my driving fears, the standard saying came at the latest at this point: "You're practicing a bit and then you're leaving." But I can not just sit with my fears in the stomach in the next best car and "just practice". With Alexandra Bärike, however, comes the first element of surprise: "You have never set up a driving routine in the city." You can not do that, it is quite natural, just a change of track is really difficult. " I feel taken seriously right away.
She paints in a circle about how my fear of driving is composed. Nearly 50 percent of the circle fills my lack of routine. Then there is my self-image. I think I'm not doing well and that prevents me from just doing it. Other parts of my fear are the fact that I never had my own car, the bad experiences with my first driving instructor and my personality. Alexandra Bärike tells me that I am considerate and I care if I interfere with others.
Everything but Schisshasen?
Something interests me but still quite personally: The question of whether mainly "Schisshasen" come to her. People who rarely dare anything in life. Many of my clients do not seem insecure from the outside, they often have top jobs, but that also increases their claim to perfection on their own. They want to do things well or not at all it is not "good" and "bad".There are situations that different drivers judge differently. "
It's in the car
It's even fun
And with these words it goes into the car - a driving school car with double operation. It's good. But the driving school signs still remain in the trunk. I'm supposed to experience the reality. Alexandra Bärike first explains all basics to me in peace. How do the gears work? How do I have to adjust the mirrors? How big is the distance of the other cars to me when they appear in the rearview mirror. When I press the clutch for the first time, my left leg shakes. It starts. I drive in the city. Oh dear, how exciting. First, we drive a slight distance, just straight on the traffic lights. One thing stands out: dealing with the car is not that difficult. I almost master the hallways as if sleeping. Of course I have to get used to the car. For example, starting at the traffic lights could be smoother. But hey, I learn that too fast. And Alexandra Bärike praises me.
After ten minutes, I look at the clock for the first time. I feel relatively relaxed. I do not panic or sweat. For a little while, my tour of a suburb makes it even fun. As we drive back to the city center, Alexandra Bärike practices the difficult situations with me. On a two-lane road I change from one side to the other and back again and over again. She gives me very simple rules. Flashing, accelerating to increase the gap, rearview mirror, exterior mirrors and blind spot. If everything is okay, I can go over. Whether this situation is hectic or relaxed is entirely up to me. I determine the pace.
Everything is explained in detail
These detailed instructions we take the horror of the change of tracks. Before it was always flat rate: "Well, then you look, if you can over and then do that." The result was that I had flashed, looked hectically in all directions and almost pulled over in parallel. Now I know how to look, and then, safe, change to the other lane. I am very proud of myself and my driving instructor too.
Suddenly it says, "So, you can park there, we'll be back." What, that was it? We drove 75 minutes. I never thought that I would forget time behind the wheel. I am going to go to the weekend. On the way, I am beaming at anyone who comes to meet me.
The following Tuesday we meet for the second hour. It is raining and traffic is tormenting through the city. But I'm optimistic. At first we practice everything like the first time. Unlike Saturday, however, it is very stressful for me today. And that disappoints me. Alexandra Bärike explains reassuringly: "They do not fare worse today, the conditions are more difficult, the rain, the constant wiping in front of the eyes, impatient drivers, and I have increased the difficulty level." That's true. Finally, today I drove over the highway and even through the Elbtunnel. After that I almost looked forward to the city traffic again.
And there is one more success: I was honed three times and I did not mind. To accomplish that, Alexandra Bärike gave me a simple trick: "What other drivers think about you will never be experienced unless you get out and ask, but would you do that, even if one honks: Is that really bad, does that make you a bad driver? "
Overcoming fear is a project
After this hour, she advises me to take another two hours. Not because I can not drive, but to get even more security. That makes sense to me. To overcome fear of driving one must see as a project. Therefore, my preliminary balance sheet: Ten truckloads of new courage carted, Sodom and Gomorrah put in place, burglary buried. That was great. And one thing I can promise everyone in my situation: When the fear goes, the soul has more space.
Addresses for those affected with fear of driving
A reliable figure, how many people suffer from the fear of driving, does not exist. When one includes partial fears, such as highway rides or parking situations, almost everyone in his circle of acquaintances knows several people affected. People with fear of driving will find help here:
Alexandra Bärike, www.angstfrei-autofahren.de One-on-one interviews and driving trainings in Munich, Cologne and Hamburg. Day training or motorway long-distance trainings can also be booked nationwide.
Driving School? Can we do it?, Berlin, www.schaffenwir.de Anti-stress courses, individual advice and accompanying driving lessons
Car club for fear women, Magdeburg. 0391-401 30 97, here volunteer? Fahrbegleiter? Trainings for women who have not ridden for a long time and feel insecure on the street.
Club autogestresster women, Berlin. Attached to the women's point Courage e.V., www.frauenpunkt-courage.de The club works together with driving schools and offers a regular's table, individual advice and information events.
Recommended reading: Karl Müller, driving a car without fear.The success program for relaxed driving, Verlag Hans Huber, 2008.
