The Age - Travel to an unknown country
That she is no longer 30, notes Susanne Lubach more of everyday experiences. For example, when she recently went shopping with her 14-year-old daughter Sina. "I had seen some nice clothes, not even the most youthful things - but dressed that did not fit in. Stylish, I mean, and I was already wistful." Thought: too bad, alas, that's over now, the dark blonde Berliner "Sina said: Mum, come on, give me a try ... - but I did not feel well in it."
When does it strike us for the first time that we are in the midst of the process of getting older? Is it when we begin to dress differently, in more subtle colors, with longer sleeves, close-necked neckline? Or if we find that certain things are suddenly difficult for us, climbing the stairs with full shopping bags, holding out a party until the end? Do we frighten when our knees hurt when we wake up in the morning and our feet in the evening? Is aging getting over us - or does it happen abruptly, in spurts, as they say? How long do we ignore the signs? And when will not we succeed anymore?
Everyone wants to grow old, but you should not look at the age.
Susanne Lubach, 53.
No matter when it started, but the longer we live, the more often we encounter such small moments of pause, wonderment, unbelieving amazement. Often also of struggling, not least with ourselves. Sometimes a trivial occasion is enough, for example that we sit in the restaurant and clog up the noise we did not even notice before - but now we have trouble understanding our counterpart. Or that we talk to young people and realize that we do not know the terms used. And on top of that, they think they're stupid. Already we praise: Oops, is this what we increasingly expect - the loss of participation in the various facets of the world, especially the world of the younger? And - irritating - the feeling of losing youthful appeal? "The main thing, you do not look at my age," says the lady in the TV commercial. Everyone wants to grow old - but nobody wants to be old. One sentence, heard a thousand times. But that's why he does not lose his validity. Actually, Susanne Lubach has a relaxed relationship to the big and small pitfalls of getting older. In the family of 53-year-olds, there was always intense contact between the generations. As a high school graduate, she took care of the grandma: tidying up, cooking, keeping company, sometimes calming down. What she found exhausting at the time - "this forgetfulness, it's annoying to constantly tell everything ten times" - was also a lived family life in which everyone had their place: young, old, old.
Age comes too fast, but we do not feel old yet.
Susanne's mother is now 80, still very independent. And yet, lately Susanne realizes one or two changes: "She goes out to the Philharmonic, plays cards, but there is less, the pain begins, her friends are sick, some unfortunately have already died." And what does it do for her? "It scares me because it's so fast, because I do not feel old at all, when I see my daughter start going to parties, I can remember that very time, and then I feel myself again young, silly, carefree. "
As a teenager, the slender woman with the shoulder-length hair knows exactly, she found 40-year-old ancient. And then this thought on her 40th birthday, which did not go out of her mind for days: "Now you are old in children's eyes!" When she needed her first pair of glasses a few years later, she just thought: Another thrust! And the beginning of menopause? Oh, does that have to be? Not that she no longer felt like a woman, but - low moods? Heat waves? She snorts off: "And just for an appointment with the banker!"
The fact that she had to take appointments there more often in the past two years had a sad cause - her partner had died of a heart attack. Totally unexpected, at the age of 50. After 24 years spent together Susanne quasi stood without him overnight: with his sanitary company, with daughter Sina and son René, then 12 and 18. And suddenly it was about the most important thing: the livelihood of the family. And Susanne has made it, today the trained dental technician leads the small craft business. Manages customer contacts, writes invoices, employs an employee, has her new task under control.
Age still holds many surprises.
At age 50, we experienced a lot. Much beautiful, but also sad.
"Bernd's death," she says, "has put everything into perspective, because he has shown me so drastically how precious each day is, and now I'm exploring differently, even with people.If someone does not want to, I say, well, then not! "She seems warm-hearted, open, cheerful in conversation and reveals: Yes, she is in love with herself! Recently in a man she knows 14 years, the children went together to school. "That's such a gift. Before that I thought, okay, now I'm living alone. And then ... "She beams:" It's just like it used to be. Palpitations, excitement, butterflies in the stomach! "
Incidentally, says Susanne Lubach, she knows a number of women who have also happened to have fallen in love with the beginning, middle and end of 50. "And if that is so, we can calm down older." Recently she has written a list that says what she wants to experience: traveling abroad, to India, to the Himalayas. Many, many books read. "And I want my kids to get a good education." There is one more goal: to be more relaxed. "I'm sure that will happen, but now, at 50, there's just too much power left."
Only sometimes, because she feels a little fear that such a traumatic farewell could be repeated. But the thought displaces it immediately. She prefers to dream of a "house by the lake", as Peter Fox sings it, she can memorize the text: "'My 100 grandchildren are coming ...' - that's what I imagine, we have four children together, that can be funny. " At age 50, we experienced a lot. Much beautiful, but also sad. Meanwhile, we know what it feels like to let go, say goodbye to someone, finally.
When teens suddenly marched me - that was!
But if you're only 36, like Bettina Daniel, is there any reason to be concerned about getting older? Are not you completely in the here and now? The girlish woman with the ringlets and the big, bright blue eyes has her own opinion. "No, that has always fascinated me, the aging," she says. That's why she's looking for women ten or fifteen years older, like when she's in the subway. She is inspired by her: "Many impress me with their charisma, they are full of life and show me that life becomes richer in opportunities than poorer ones."
In old age you do not have to have much, because you already had many things.
Bettina Daniel, 36. Because she is fascinated by aging, she looks closely at older women: "Many impress me with their radiance and show me that life is getting richer in possibilities."
And she also has more positive images in mind to what may come even later: "I see myself as an old lady with white hair, inner smile, children and grandchildren, in an everyday life without much excitement do not have much anymore because you already had a lot. " Her optimism, she believes, will carry her to the point: "I hope I can keep it, I still have such a young, almost childlike side in me, huge curiosity and joy in life." At the feeling of being young, the lightheartedness, even the gray strands of hair did not change anything that she got when she was very young, at 25.
Since she started studying at that time - she had previously trained as a hotelier - she felt like 20. She felt an unexpected twinge as teens suddenly triumphed, despite their jeans, sneakers and narrow waist. That was the first time I thought: well, you're not as young as you always think. " After the exam, the new job came in a Hamburg magazine publisher, recently she was promoted to head of the service. "I like that," she says, "having responsibility, having achieved something." She thinks it's good to be aware of "leaving behind to move to another phase of life."
It's also private. She has been living with her boyfriend Jan for some time. And hear the ticking of the biological clock. "I always wanted to be a late mother, experience a lot beforehand, gain a foothold professionally, but now there is pressure, almost a compulsion, time is running out, that's something I feel extremely."
Will I like to look back one day?
Anyone who deals with growing old also asks the question of the meaning of life. Will I like to look back one day? And does not that mean that I should now take with me everything that life offers me? The older a person gets, the more he becomes aware that much is lost along the way - people, dreams, illusions. How often do we stand at funerals with the feeling that some of us have died away? And yet, do not we win too? "Serenity and life experience" is the hope of Susanne Lubach and Bettina Daniel. Only - is that all?
Age brings new freedom.
Ingrid Küster-Wasow, 70. Because she lives alone, she has plenty of time for her passions: graphics, painting, photography. And for extended trips: "Cycling in beautiful scenery, that is for me soul balm."
"I have never had so many freedoms as now," says Ingrid Küster-Wasow. An example? "Sometimes it's quirky, when I feel like it, I just run around in stupid or broken clothes.As long as I get back on track and dress well, I do not care what the others think. "Why not, because Ingrid Küster-Wasow still gets admiring glances - when she reveals her age." What, 70? I would have estimated you to be 60! "For the graphic designer retired this is ambivalent: On the one hand, it is" beautiful pats ", on the other hand, she has the feeling, only the number trigger a movie in the head with the respective counterpart 70 - there it will be She laughs: "If I do not feel that way in the morning and look critically in the mirror - then I think: Better not go out today, so that nobody sees you." Mostly But she has good days, and when one experiences the petite woman, she defies every negative cliché of "pensioner." Springy steps, alert look Two rooms of her old apartment in Hamburg she has reserved for her creative work: graphics, painting, photography. After two long relationships and parenting she lives alone today.
During her next vacation, she will be riding a mountain bike, as she has for 30 years. She used to do mother-child tours with her son, today she drives with friends. "Cycling in beautiful scenery, that's soul balm for me!" In addition, she runs a gentle body workout "without pressure to perform". Yoga, three times a week she goes to the park for walking. Not out of duty - for fun. Ingrid Küster-Wasow belongs to the generation of those born in the war, who are doing really well today. Physically, mentally and mentally fit, they enjoy having time for their many interests. And yet, every now and then, she experiences situations where she unexpectedly feels "not quite belonging", she says: "I'm in sports, in art often among younger people, even very young people, not that they reject me, but I'm sometimes considered exotic. " The word "pensioner" comes her bad over the lips, because "it sounds like you're only half dead in the chair". Rather casually and with little surprise, she also notes how she has been more and more consciously taking back lately, dealing more carefully with resources, avoiding excessive demands. Almost unnoticeably it started, for example on the bike tours: "I tend to go beyond my limits, but if I feel totally broken the next day, what's in it for me?"
Is a new cupboard worth it?
In the last year, several laser treatments were needed on one eye, because she suddenly had veils and lightning in front of her eyes: "I found that threatening." The fear of having inherited the diseases of the mother, stop there. Ingrid's mother turned 94, was almost blind at the end, and suffered from painful osteoporosis. "But with her, it started early, and I can still move without pain, so maybe I'll be as old as she is - and stay spared?" And yet, sometimes she painfully realizes that she has been through the longest time of her life. Purchases sometimes weighs them up. Recently, for example, she had thought that she needed a new cabinet. Then she thought, "Yeah, is that still worth it?"
How long will we be fit? And what happens to us when we become frail? The specter of all: a retirement in the home. Also for Bettina Daniel, who experienced it with her beloved grandma, how it is. Unfortunately, we did not have the space to accommodate them at home, and even though the retirement home was idyllically set in the countryside, as a child I had a clear sense that the old people were deported there. " At the moment she is watching a similar fate in the parents of a friend who are in the nursing home, dement, bedridden. She finds that depressing, sad. "To be dependent on others, not to be self-reliant would be the most terrible thing for me." Once she limped on crutches for a while after a foot operation, and an old woman overtook her on the crosswalk. There was suddenly a sense of how it could be. One age - and this time back, luckily!
We are all getting older for the first time.
35, 50, 70: What connects the three women is the way they approach aging. They are looking ten, fifteen years into the future. Are interested in the generation before, only conditionally for very old people. That's where the gaze rarely goes. And of course that's the way it is, after all, for each one of us it's the first time we're getting older: we do not know what's coming. Therefore, we conquer the unknown terrain gently, groping, step by step. And how we age - fast or slow - is not least determined by genes and lifestyle. Fortunately, there are plenty of mature female role models: Hildegard Hamm-Brücher, Jeanne Moreau and Margarete Mitscherlich show how it's done, "aging them with dignity". And would not it be great to do the same to you later, relaxed? And to become a bit wise in the sense of Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach: "Getting old means seeing"?
In any case, it says: change. But that can be quite positive. Many elderly people enjoy their late years.Even then, when the body ages slowly and the strength subsides - because the soul remains surprisingly young, as surveys confirm again and again: Most people, no matter their age, feel younger than they are. "Age as a number has no meaning, attitude is crucial," says Bettina Daniel. "You have to keep your eyes open: then life comes to you." There are many countries, for example in Africa, where people find it a gift to grow old. Because it is said that they did not die young.
