That is embarrassing?
In the sky hung a silver full moon, in the garden celebrated 49 friends, it was a mild summer evening, her 50th birthday. Then someone put down a CD from the Beatles, and suddenly Dörte just wanted to be alone. Unnoticed by the others, she ran into the house. She remembered her student days, travel, lovers, and her wedding, all in red. She'd had a nice life, she'd continue to have a nice life, why did she suddenly feel so strange? "I felt very soft and vulnerable, my heart was so heavy, I had a craving for chocolate, but even more I wanted to cry, I have always been a bit maudlin, but for some time now there seem to be more opportunities for it Anyway, that night, I threw myself on the couch and howled, it was so good, like hugging myself, not wanting to know exactly what was going on, just indulging in that feeling . "
Some call it sentimentalism, the other sentimentality. Some are sentimental when they are young. For others, emotional happiness increases with age. Those who are gifted for sentimentality must have a certain inclination to sadness. Men give it less often, women often find it wonderful. And yet: The feeling has no good reputation with us, it reminds too much of Heimatfilm and yellowed love letters in pink ribbon. In Mediterranean countries there is less inhibition to be sentimental. Also the russian soul has always been heartfelt and now the movies from Bollywood.
There is always an opportunity to get emotional. When in the evening a sun sinks into the sea. When a song is played on the radio that is as old, as wonderful or as tragic as the first or last love. When you look at a baby who sleeps peacefully, as if the world is a harmless place. Then suddenly everything is beautiful for crying. Sentimentality - a real feeling or kitsch? Flat, stupid, embarrassing or important?
Sentimentality is a feeling that rises from many emotions. Children are never sentimental, they are either happy or sad. The older you get, the more you seem to tend to mix emotions. You read a romantic story, the plot hits the heart. We feel happiness in reading, but also a little sadness. The sadness gently transforms into melancholy, and sometimes world pain comes to it. But why make you sad, which is nice? The older you get, the more all intense impressions are associated with memories. I also felt like the heroine of the novel. I kissed on that beach for the first time. No matter if the experiences were nice or sad, they never come back the way they were. That's a feeling of loss and regret. We all know that. But are all of them also touched in the same situations? And is sentimentality made of sadness?
"I was in France during the World Cup," says Sabine. "And for the first time, the Frenchmen explained to me how great the Germans are, and once I watched a game in a jumbled village pub, and when the German national anthem was played, all of them cheered me on, I just had to howl, I was so taken by it to be naively proud of my country too. "
"I hate maudlin community feelings," says Marie. "When formerly the 'Internationale' was sung in left-wing groups and the comrades got wet eyes, it was scary to me, I'm probably scared of falling into feelings that are not really mine, and I find that staged we-feelings so misleading that I immediately go astray. "
"I'm only touched when it comes to private feelings," says Ulla. "The other day I've looked at 'Gone With the Wind', and when Rhett Butler Scarlett O'Hara carries the stairs up, I can not stand my ground anymore, I would have liked to have had such a love, I have such a love screwed up, a love never comes back ... I sniff, the movie goes on, and suddenly I notice how my husband swallows, but not because of tragic love In a scene when Scarlett stands before her war-devastated cotton plantation, she says that she never wants to go hungry again, but he actually begins to cry, even though my husband never went hungry. "
Sentimentality does not take it so closely with the facts. You do not have to be self-oppressed, poor, or motherless to be touched when it becomes melodramatic. That fate can strike, we all know and have already experienced. Those who have not yet forgotten feeling develop compassion. This is human but not sentimental.It only becomes sentimental when one takes the fate of another as an occasion to circle around in self-pity. Then you bathe in feelings and immerse yourself in the wonderful world of melancholy and enthusiasm.
Wait a moment. Are not we the women who have made every effort to be proficient, critical, educated and even successful? And now that we are really grown up and have the worst of us behind us, can it suddenly happen that we find "wonderfully sad" a homely feeling? Anyone over the age of 40 has grown up in a climate in which many theoretical discussions played a role. Everything was always important: the women's group, the environmental initiative, the peace movement. Unthinkable, to say publicly: Today I have no time for the Amnesty International demo, today I pull myself a guts.
Maybe we just missed it earlier to give enough space to feelings? Or are the small "cheesy" feelings overriding us today, because they are easier to bear than the "big ones"?
Dörte says, "Tears come to my eyes when I watch little children, it just makes me feel like they can just look at a beetle or a stone and they're happy, but otherwise I do not really cry, not when someone treats me badly and not even when I hear about more and more catastrophes in the world, sometimes I feel really cold. "
Who is sentimental, may be sad, without it tears the heart. Those who are sentimental make a little detour with their feelings, so that they do not fall into the abyss of real grief or despair. This is sometimes a wise decision. After all, the reasons that make you wistful with age are pretty heavy caliber.
Young women may sobbing regret that it did not work with prince charming, dream careers or the ultimate lottery win. But over time, you understand that there are things that were denied you. You did not have the childhood you wanted. You were not the brave or creative person you always wanted to be. You know your own limits and know that they are no longer changeable. The most attractive man and the most wonderful woman in the world could come, but one would not be able to start a new life without reservations and with confidence.
No one gets older without damage. If that is no reason to howl. So you cry a bit. About everything and nothing. And then life goes on, what else should it do? Until the next fit of nostalgia. The beauty of sentimentality is that it gently "degrades" sadness. The more beautiful thing is that it gives you the satisfying feeling of being very sensitive. The stupid thing about sentimentality is that supposed sensibility is a small illusion.
There are people who howl in concert or in front of the television big packages of handkerchiefs, but when a neighbor is in need, they look away. Compassion manifests itself in actions, in practical help for example. Sentiment on the sofa, however, is only good for one's own mood. "Sentimentality is the alibi of the hard-hearted," said Arthur Schnitzler.
Nobody wants to be like that. And yet it is sometimes. Everybody has experienced so many emotions in 40, 50 years! The feelings have run through our lives and have put some calluses on the cornea. And then it happens again: you are touched. And all of a sudden you can swarm like you used to and dream and even cry a bit.
The sentimentality? It is like wrapping paper with cheesy flowers. Maybe a bit embarrassing and a little bit over the top. But if you put the packaging aside, then the real gift is the certainty: I feel, so I am.
