No sex before marriage

Waiting for the right person

At first glance, Elise from Bamberg does not differ much from other women in her early twenties. She loves salsa, is currently training as an occupational therapist and likes to meet friends. Only a small thing is different. While German teenagers experience their first time on average with 16.4 years, Elise is waiting. She is waiting for the right man. Only when she finds him and marries her will she have sex for the first time. "I do not want to indulge in a person I'm not sure she loves and wants to spend her life with me," she says confidently.

Elise Wittenberg

Like Elise think, according to a recent study of the condom manufacturer Durex about one percent of all Germans. In times when sex is omnipresent, they look like exotics. But Michael Müller, the initiator of the organization "True Love Waits," is reporting more and more young people. According to his estimates, around 20,000 young people in Germany profess to be abstinent before marriage. Michael Müller sees abstinence as a signal: "In order to show young people that waiting is possible, we make an age-old and timeless value visible."

Pledge before God

Michael Müller, initiator of the organization "True Love Waits

By signing on a vow card of "True Love Waiting", one seals the desire to wait and swears, "By the grace of God, from today I commit myself to God, myself, my family, my friends, and my future spouse, until the day to stay sexually pure in my marriage ". The 35-year-old Michael Müller had once promised this himself - even before he met his future wife. Today he is married and has a daughter.

Sex as a gift

Tobias Brückner

Tobias Brückner is yet to come. Because even the 28-year-old has decided to wait. "First and foremost, it has something to do with my faith, and the Bible is the foundation of how I want to live my life." Tobias has been raised strictly Christian. Nevertheless, he has dealt with the subject of sex. "Of course I was in love and I was thinking about how I would like to behave in this respect, but if I wait until marriage, I can bring something I have not given anyone else."

The kiss is over

Elise also decided to wait for religious reasons. "Of course, it's hard to be patient, and when you're with someone and you're very much in love, it's even harder for you to indulge yourself, but if the covenant is not yet blessed by God, you have to discipline yourself." Elise had a friend for two and a half years. She thought he was the right person. But it turned out differently. For two months she has a new boyfriend and is very happy to have been waiting.

But how does this balancing act between relationship and abstinence? Tobias had no problems with it so far. "We made it very clear where the frontiers are, and at a certain point where it becomes clear that it's going to be sexual, we've stopped," he says. Even for Elise, limits must be met. "The kiss is already over for me," she says.

Many of Elises and Tobias' friends live differently. They have a partner - and sex. This is not a problem for both. "I do not think it's right how society deals with sexuality, but on an interpersonal level it makes no difference to me," says Tobias. Tobias, who has just graduated from teaching, has never been excluded because of his decision. "Of course there were jokes at work, but I can live with that."

Those who save themselves hope those who wait will later have a firmer and more stable marriage. Because both partners have put aside their own needs and share their sexuality only with each other. "The more often you have sex, the sooner you miss it and become eager for it, then you become selfish and think about your own physical needs, not your partner," Elise fears.

Sex as a holy gift for the future husband? For many unimaginable. Sexual experiences are an important part of getting adults into adulthood. Michael Müller sees it as a danger. "Dealing with sexuality is very formative, you can not turn it off, part of the heart is lost forever."

Robin, a student from Freiburg, has a completely different opinion. "Experiencing does not mean losing something, but gaining something.You learn a lot about yourself and your desires. "The 26-year-old has long considered to wait - and then decided against it. "It's important to get to know your own body in order to have a relaxed, confident relationship with your partner. That does not go from zero to a hundred. "

Sex polarized

Sex polarized. For some it is the inseparable and profound union of body and soul, for others it is simply the pacification of a desire. Some do not want to renounce the right to live their sexuality free, others just want to set a sign against it.

Elise, Tobias and others set such a sign. However, "True Love Waits" and the US parent organization "True Love Waits" propagate sexual abstinence as the safest protection against AIDS. Their view, the immunodeficiency instead of fighting by education with austerity, is highly controversial. For anyone who knows nothing about contraception can not protect themselves from HIV, other venereal diseases and unwanted pregnancies. No matter when he has sex for the first time.

10 Reasons Not To Have Sex Before Marriage (May 2024).