Lovesickness: 10 typical symptoms

1. fear of contact (lat. Klemmi)

Description: Mutual awkwardness on the first kiss

Very difficult course: Man and woman arrange to go to the cinema and feign indignation when they realize that the reserved seats are a partner seat. When the commercial begins, the man simulates a yawn, stretches to accidentally put his arm around the woman, who tentatively leans her head against his shoulder. While the preview is running, he puts her an ice-cream confectionery in her slightly opened mouth and wipes the nonexistent chocolate from her upper lip. Their heads approach each other in slow motion. With only a few inches left between her lips, the woman abruptly lowers her head to grope in the dark on the floor for a single dropped popcorn. The man helps her with the search and uses the chance to easily touch her ear with his cheek. When the movie finally starts, the man jerks his upper body, puts his head to the right and tries with great determination to hit the mouth of the woman, which he fails miserably, because she wants to meet him just then, the two with the skulls collide, he pokes his nose into her eye, whereupon she wipes away a tear, which interprets the man as a sign of overpowering and overwhelmed her with a very long tongue kiss, while her hands lie defenseless in the popcorn bag.

What helps? Bacardi cola in high doses.

2. Buuhuulimie (Latin femina nervosa)

Description: Female hypersensitivity

symptoms: The voice starts to beat The woman starts every sentence with a du-message Thicker Throat

Trigger: The man did not scare the spaghetti. The man did not fold down the toilet seat. The man did not make the bed. The man forgot the wedding day. The man put the butter knife in the honey. The man has lost a dirty sock on his way to the bathroom. The man watched the sports show. The man has accidentally slept. The man has salted the food. The man did not turn on the dishwasher. The man has started the dishwasher. The man did not separate the garbage. The man smoked one. The man did not listen. The man drank Alster water. The man has bought the wrong wholemeal bread. The man did not do anything.

Treatment: Sometimes it gives the sufferer relief, vomit really nice.

Behavior therapy for the man: The man should just not allow himself a mistake. Otherwise there is a danger that the woman will explode.

3. Deco-delusion (Latin elle decoration)

Description: High-febrile female illness, which occurs predominantly in the interior

Normal course: The woman unconsciously sorts out the man's first small utensils (record player, punching bag, TV chair) and moves them to a corner where they do not bother anyone. The woman accidentally drops his orange lava lamp while dusting. The woman swaps the St. Pauli flag against the dove of Matisse without any bad intention. The woman admits in Deko-delusion his single-collection in the lumber room. The woman replaces the ethnic sheets with white batiste sheets. The woman stashes her Adidas Active After Sport Hair & Body Shampoo in the drawer to arrange a few shells on the edge of the bathtub.

Forecast: The deco-madness of the woman only disappears when the occupied apartment resembles a picture from the wallpaper.

Consequences: Nice living!

4. Faselitis (lat.

Description: Man and woman call each other for no apparent reason several times a day just to say hello

Disease: "Hey, poppies!" "N / A." "Well, duuu!" "And?" "And you like that?" "Oh, yes." "You, I'll get back to you later." "Alright!"

Later course: "Hey, poppies!" "N / A." "Well, duuu!" "And?" "And you like that?" "Oh, yes." "You, I'll get back to you later." "Alright!"

Even later course: "Hey, poppies!" "N / A." "Well, duuu!" "And?" "And you like that?" "Oh, yes." "You, I'll get back to you later." "Alright!"

Consequences: The man calls the woman on her way home from the car to let her know that he is on his way home now and to ask if he should bring any more from the gas station.

Reaction: "Oh, that comes now but suddenly, would you have contacted you earlier, now I think so spontaneously nothing."

Course: okidoki

5. Wedding madness (Latin crazy in love)

Description: The original marriage in remote, hard to reach places

Duration of the disease: At least a long weekend

How the disease announces: One year before the wedding date, the couple sends an invitation written in chalk on a slate stone, announcing how happy it is to celebrate this important day in June of the following year, especially with us in Lofoten.

Spontaneous reactions: Lofo what?

Sluggish course: After two hours of flight, the guests land in Oslo, where they try to catch the bus to the short-distance airfield Røst, unfortunately miss it for five minutes, have to wait another two hours for the next, but this has an accident with a moose, the highway closed large-scale becomes, whereby they miss the connecting flight from Bodø, then change to the Hurtigruten and after 20 hours nervously turn up for the glittering party at the North Cape, where the hapless bridal couple in a Lappish costume greets the late and slightly exhausted guests and asks them kindly, but quickly to slip into the prepared Viking costumes.

Episode: After three nights slept on reindeer skins in quaint fishing huts, endless wedding speeches of the bride's father, the groom's mother, the stepfather of the bride and the stuttering Norwegian pastor with the help of a lot of whiskey and the dried cod hung out to their necks, it may happen easy marriage fraud occur.

Outlook: Scenic really spectacular!

6. Dog smell (lat. Doggystyle)

Description: Playful overture between man and woman on the dog meadow

Purebred history: Woman and man meet on the dog meadow and greet each other with a shy smile, while his Doberman sniffs her Labradorhündin. From then on, men and women meet daily on the playground and exchange hot looks with their gas bags in their hands. After two months, the man gives a jerk and finally speaks the woman with the words "Is she just in heat?" while his Doberman licks her Labrador bitch. In the further course, the woman asks the man: "May I stroke him?" While his big Doberman is just climbing the little Labrador bitch. What the man with the words "So is it good, Lasso!" commented.

Consequences: But now go into the basket!

Difficult course: If you have just a slimy Pinscher or a nondescript promenade mixture to hand, equip your darling with an original coat with the inscription "My owner / master is single" and hide your crimson head behind a very large stick.

7. Incontinence (Latin connylingus)

Description: The most female inability to hold tight

symptoms: Those affected feel a strong inner urge to detail their own sexual practices.

Uncontrolled expressions: "My dear Herr Gesangsverein, I am all sore again!" "Well, the Holger loves my breasts!" "Oh my god, tonight I only slept for an hour!" "Yesterday came to me, hoho, also the Nicholas with his big tail!" "My Arne is pretty well stocked!"

Reaction: Oh?!

Unwanted side effect: The next time you meet each other, you can think of nothing more than Maltese's thick rod while poking his fondue fork into the chicken breast.

Neatly prevent: "Oh yes, from behind, there is the Ralfi totally on it!"

8. Short Ripper (Latin popular spirit)

Description: The long-married couple travel with the hope of extensive sex.

Course: The couple booked a weekend trip to Istanbul to see the Blue Mosque, the Bosphorus Bridge and the Topkapi Palace, to taste the local food such as kofte and kebab, to enjoy the warm and humid climate and by the way once again a lot of sex to have.

Later course: The couple looks at the Blue Mosque holding hands, strolls over the Bosphorus Bridge, stands in the queue in front of the Topkapi Palace for four hours, the man suddenly gets diarrhea of local food such as kofte and kebab, the woman is blaumant of the humid climate, and the couple returns exhausted to the hotel, where they both lie down for an hour and then awake completely crumpled the next morning.

Incubation period: Between the infection of a Kurztrippers (booking the trip) and the appearance of the first symptoms (passionate sex) may be several days or a few decades.

Mutual infection with ping-pong effect: Low

complications: The woman prefers the massage bench rather than Manfred. The man prefers Hamam rather than Hanna.

Good prospects: Tomorrow is still a day!

9. blasphemous disease (lat.

Description: The professional dissecting of other relationships after a sociable evening among friends

Course: Intoxicated by the Vernaccia and the inadequacies of others, the first incidental note falls on the stairwell:

"Did you notice how Tanja twisted her eyes behind Dirk's back?" "Yeah, no wonder, the Dirk does not burn anything, that's known!" "Well, I've noticed, however, as always staring at me on the breasts, the pleasure pig!" "Well, I do not want to blaspheme, but you really can not blame him, I also did not want to give Tanya, with her fat thighs!" "You can say that aloud." "And then it gets on so unfavorably, with the figure, I would not allow myself leggings!" "She went off pretty bad after the second child!" "I wonder anyway, how they want to do that financially with the two children, the Dirk will not have his job for a long time!"

Consequences: In bed, the woman presses her bulging rump against her shapeless, unemployed husband and sighs: "Oh Dicki, I'm so glad we're different!"

10. Nestle (lat. Paarvian)

Description: The unquenchable urge to fiercely fidget with his partner, rumzuzelneln rumzufumeln rumzudröseln and rumzutüddeln

Backgrounds: The merriment among couples serves to reduce emotional tensions and build long-term peaceful relationships.

symptoms: The woman plucks a lint from the man's sweater. The woman adjusts the tie knot of her partner. The woman is knocking dust off her husband's coat. The man rightly shakes the woman's necklaces. The addict fiddles a label on the man's sweater inside. The woman puts on the poloshirt collar of the man.

The woman folds down the man's polo collar. The woman jerks the mantle belt of the partner to the same length. The wife scratches a stain on her husband's shirt with a little spit.

final stage: The man rips off his wife's gray hair at Sunday brunch.