Insecurity: where it comes from and what helps against it

Uncertainty overwhelms us most of the time when we emerge from the crowd as individuals, Then we stand out and are evaluated as individuals. As soon as the eyes turn to us, a paralyzing tension builds up inside. There are many occasions: the presentation, the oral exam, the job interview or the meeting with the boss.

How is uncertainty expressed?

Uncertainty manifests itself above all physically. Signs are for example trembling knees, sweaty hands, red spots on the neck or face, a tremor in the voice, We feel paralyzed. This not only weakens our ability to perform, permanent stress damages our body and our health. Potential effects of ongoing stress include cardiovascular disorders, respiratory tract disorders, gastrointestinal disorders, sleep disorders, decreased self-esteem due to impaired performance, anxiety, and depressive moods. Psychological and physical factors can cause each other.

These physical signs of fear of failure are visible to our environment, Uncertainty becomes a very obvious problem, It usually applies: whoever appears confident, can also expect a more positive feedback from his environment. On the other hand, those who are uncertain often suggest that they have a reason to be insecure. Although uncertainty is usually not justified. Dr. Elmar Basse, psychologist and psychotherapist from Hamburg, it looks like this: "People who are insecure may not necessarily be less than people who are not insecure.First of all, uncertainty has something to do with whether or not I have a negative image of myself, which can either be justified by the facts Uncertainty is above all a state of stress, I see a task in front of me and I have the subjective feeling of not being able to perform this task, either according to my own expectations or those of other people. "

Is uncertainty a female problem?

Women are largely emancipated, no question. You decide, plan yourself, but unlike men, they reflect themselves and their surroundings much more strongly, A small test. Imagine the saying "running through the wall with your head". And, what do you see? A man? How would you look at it yourself?

Women are more vulnerable to uncertainties. What can this be? Dr. Basse says: "Men are less likely to suffer from insecurity Men tend to define themselves more about performance, This has been suggested to them mostly from an early age. Even if supposedly the times have changed totally, it just does not feel so good when the little boy runs to mom and stands in the corner and cries. Mummy does not like that, nor does daddy think it's good. The little one is told so very early that this is rather uncool. Better hand out yourself. Better to score a goal than to say: He stepped on my foot. Men are taught very early not to question themselves. Because the more I question myself, the more uncertain I become. That's why men tend to fade for thousands of years. Questioning is something that makes women very strong. And as I challenge myself, I tend to look critically at myself. For example, if I'm giving a presentation and constantly wondering if it's not flawed here and there, I'll radiate the environment as critically as I do myself. "

What really helps against uncertainty?

It is helpful to go on the offensive. Sovereignty and self-confidence can be learned! Often it helps to ask yourself: what am I doing especially well? What makes me special? Also you should make yourself aware of his success again and again. Self-praise stinks? Not at all! Those who want to work on their self-confidence must learn to praise themselves. Only those who put themselves and their skills in the right light at the right moment make a career.

Robert Sunday Lightning fast relaxed, Book with audio CD (CD running time 66:52 min.) TRIAS, Stuttgart. 2009 128 p., 20 ill., Paperback ISBN: 9783830435150 EUR [D] 14,95 / EUR [A] 15,40 CHF 27,50 (CH / EIA)

In his book "Lightning fast relaxed", expected to be on 25February will be delivered Autot Robert Sunday 100 individual relaxation exercises. It will be easy to switch off a few seconds with this collection of quick relaxation exercises. What's more, the practical combination of book and CD makes readers and listeners feel relaxed and calm even faster. The exercises are sorted according to typical stress situations. Practical: The CD serves as a quick cool-down, as a relaxation course, but also to listen in stress situations such as. in a traffic jam.

We've put together five flash-relaxation exercises for acute stress situations like the exam or the presentation for you.

The finger pulse feedback

Feedback, d. H. Feedback is a process by which an event is influenced by responding to its own effects. From biofeedback one speaks, if these are processes on the biological level. Feedback finds z. For example, if you are having a difficult conversation, suddenly feel your heart beat violently with nervousness, and as you become aware of it, your agitation and, with it, your heartbeat will increase. Thankfully you can also use your physical reactions for a positive and very effective biofeedback training. It is important to relax by doing that receives certain body signals and learns to influence them. As soon as the signals change in the desired direction, this is an indication that you are on the path to relaxation. In this way, not only can you quickly find peace, but you can also train your sensitivity to inner processes. The prerequisite for practicing this technique, however, is that you will not be disturbed for one to three minutes and can concentrate entirely on your body.

That's how it works:

1. Put your hands together so that all five pairs of fingertips are in contact with each other, that is, the crests of the two little fingers, the index finger, and so on.

2. Change the pressure until you feel your pulse at the contact surfaces.

3. Breathe calmly and evenly, emphasizing exhalation.

4. You will feel the pulse more and more clearly and he will, at first barely noticeable, slow down his beat rate. Then you know that you are on the path of relaxation.

5. Support this process by counting from 1 to 10 as you exhale. Continue this exercise for about three minutes without looking at the clock.

Count breathing

The counting of breathing first leads to that your attention and thus your thoughts turn away from stressful and exhausting topics of everyday life, So interrupt your little productive pondering. Their concentration is directed to the breath, a neutral process that simultaneously symbolizes life and growth. By freeing yourself from depressing questions, your organism gets the chance to recover and regain your strength. When you are relaxed, you gain a healthy distance to your worries and hardships. This distance will make it easier for you to find useful solutions to your problems. You see They see: Breathing is more than a relaxation technique. It is also an energy source.

Imaginative assistance

1. Clarify which person would be of help to you in the upcoming situation. Already by their mere presence or because of their special abilities.

2. Close your eyes. Imagine how you visit this person and ask if he is willing to accompany and assist you. Pay close attention to his reaction. Maybe you will get a clear answer. It is possible that you are only observing a fleeting change in facial expression that you must interpret. Regardless of the answer, thank the person and say goodbye to him. If you do not have a clear willingness to help you, you need to select another person and do the same.

3. Imagine that you are already in the target situation and experience how your companion is with you and how you master the task successfully.

4. When it gets serious and you are really on the scene, position your assistance near you so you can always get help.

The positive list

The positive list has two tasks. It is designed to help boost your self-esteem and thus increase your composure and stress-stability, In acute situations, she can ensure that you quickly regain confidence and your inner balance. How we assess ourselves, assess our strengths and weaknesses, assess our ability to solve tasks and problems, determines how we feel and behave in specific stressful situations. Each of us has a lot of strengths and talents, Which are yours? For example, do you have the ability to listen attentively? To pamper your guests? To enjoy small things? To work very carefully? To persevere one thing? Organize events excellently? To enjoy your life? Regularly raising awareness of your strengths strengthens your self-esteem and brings it to a realistic level. Annoyance and other burdens then hardly have a chanceTo distress you mentally.

That's how it works:

1. Write on a sheet of paper as headline: "My strengths and talents". Write down in the next two weeks, all their skills and benefits, which you rate yourself positive. Always carry this list with you, for example in your wallet or in your schedule book.

2. Once a week take the time to calm down your positive list, become aware of your strengths and add new skills. Your self-esteem will become more sustainable over time.

3. If you get into an acute stress situation, get your positive list at the very earliest opportunity and immerse yourself in the strength that seems to be most lacking at the moment. After a few moments you will feel much better.

Shiatsu gives relaxation in seconds

Are you also one of the people who simply does not want to switch off in the evening and come to rest? Shiatsu exercises from Japan help you to naturally relax and recover. You only need 60 seconds every day. Shiatsu? the healing fingers (shi = finger, atsu = pressure)? is a universal therapy. It can be used against nervousness, stress, bad mood, tiredness and insomnia. Even for the concomitant treatment of severe diseases, it is used successfully. There are two types of shiatsu massage. The massage in a clockwise direction gives your body Power and energy back. If you massage in a counterclockwise direction, internal pressure is released and you relax. Incidentally, it improves the blood circulation to the fingertips. This prevents blood congestion in other parts of the body.

That's how it works:

1st pulse massage: You place the fingers of your left hand on the inside of your right wrist. Counterclockwise, massage with the fingertips for 15 seconds. Then work on the left wrist. Once each.

2nd head massage: Place both hands on the top of your head so that the fingertips of the middle and ring fingers of both hands are almost touching. The fingers are slightly spread. Massage the scalp clockwise for 15 seconds. Just relax. Then once again.

3rd pressure massage: You will find the pressure point between the thumb and forefinger of the back of the hand. With the tip of the middle finger of your left hand, press this point on your right hand for 30 seconds. Then change the pages.

How to Deal with Insecurities? - Sadhguru (May 2024).