"I'm insulting, Nope, I have nothing!"
Do you have something? - No, how come? - I notice that you have something. - No no. - Do you want to talk about it? - Why, why, I say it's nothing.
Imagine an uncomfortable silence at this point, then a new twist on it, to repeat until the first goes to bed (alone). Pouting is always the same and always new, and every time one meets this passive-aggressive refusal of communication unprepared. And it seems as if more pout than ever: today you can sulk on Facebook and SMS, and the more we adhere to today's adults of our childhood and youth, the more spread this childish behavior, a mixture of suppressed anger, the most extreme silence and being caught up in oneself. There are people who can be very persistent and sulky for a long time - but definitely not longer than about 200 years. The English philosopher Alain de Botton has recently described in a blog post the story of this widespread and equally unattractive as irresistible behavior. According to this, pouting has only existed since about 1800, because it is a direct result of romanticism or the discovery of the ideal of romantic love.
Since Romanticism, there has been the idea that there is such a thing as true, deep, unconditional love between people destined for one another. Soul kinship, fateful love at first sight, two hearts that beat like one: Anyway, we believe, since there is this ideal or cuddle, that someone who loves us and whom we love, blindly understands us and senses all our feelings would. If that is not the case then we are sulking. Before the romance, marriages were purposive, love at most a side effect, and therefore everyone was from the outset prepared to be misunderstood and disappointed. Accordingly, no one would have come up with the idea to pout.
"You could have guessed that I was looking forward to the seafood salad from last night all afternoon"
Since there is no way back to this golden age of interpersonal pragmatism, we must talk about pouting. As I said: unattractive and irresistible at the same time. If you pout, you know that you do not give a good figure. At the same time, the urge to retreat into this dark and strangely cuddly corner of the soul is huge, and once you get inside, you will not be able to get out by yourself. For example, you'd have to know that I do not like your colleagues and would rather spend the evening with you, but now you've somehow persuaded me to come with you, and now I'm sitting here, finding everyone and everything stupid. Or: You could have guessed that I was looking forward to the seafood salad from last night all afternoon, and now I'm coming home, you ate the stuff at lunch in the office and "finally made potato pancakes again" according to the recipe of your Mother. Yes, vain cause, I know, but: I can not put into words how misunderstood and deceived I feel because you have blown away the frutti di mare. So I say nothing, but sulk. Potato pancakes? Nah, I do not really have any appetite.
Is what? No, everything is OK. For sure? Yes / Yes. In psychology, pouting is described as a middle ground between struggle and flight: I'm not off the table with my colleagues, and I do not go away from the potato pancakes and eat in the restaurant, but I also do not look for the argument and explain what bothers me and why. Who sulks, chooses the "victory in defeat," as ChroniquesDuVasteMonde colleague and psychologist Oskar Holzberg once said: I have suffered a defeat (evening messed up, anticipation of top salad disappointed), but I win a bit by myself as passive-aggressive mini-revenge spoiling the mood. That's what you've got, I'm not completely alone with my pain. But of course I do not say that, I just show it. Because pouting, as the English writer Guy Browning once wrote, is like an "emotional stroll": one only does service according to regulations, one still reacts to speech, but only evasively. Pouting becomes perfect only because one denies pouting: the old lyre of "You-have-but-what? -No-why-I-have-nothing", the accompanying bassplay of many a partnership after the infatuation phase.
"Pouting is the middle ground between fight and flight"
A ridiculous, touching behavior, childish, at best childish, because we have learned that in the first years of our lives. But psychologists have developed a more positive reading of pouting in recent years: whoever sulks is so angry and hurt over a trifle that she (or he) does not dare unconsciously express that feeling: by pouting, you want others protect your own anger. The one seems inappropriate, because the occasion is apparently always so tiny. You could also say that sulking is the emotional language of people who do not know how else to express their emotions or do not dare to do so. In the past, pouting was considered a women's specialty. Today, experts say, pervert men in particular: because they traditionally have less experience in expressing emotions.If you do not believe it, just look at the facial expressions of retreating politicians or footballers on the bench. Of course it would be better to formulate the anger and injury. That would mean, however, admitting yourself and working through it in your mind. Pouting is much less complicated. To sulk you need only audience and a little stamina. It is important to avoid as much as possible the eye contact with the one who is sulking. There is a risk that a friendly or even patient, maybe even loving look will make you think differently or even smile. In general, one must always remember when pouting, why sulking at all.
"To sulk you need only audience and a little stamina."
Because when pouting over two or three hours, one can ever use up the anger and forget the occasion in oblivion. Potato pancakes with applesauce would be pretty nice now. In fact, however, every sulky one wants to be released from his condition at some point. Scientists at the University of London (pouting in England as a popular sport, hence the local expert density) have once questioned notorious insulted liver sausages, how they want to be lured from their Schmuelcke. It seems to depend on the subtlety of the gesture: one should not confront the pouting person with the irrationality of his behavior ("Stop being so childish"), but lure him out of the reserve with small reconciliation gestures: with a cup of tea or through that to suggest a change of location, a walk in the nature or a visit with friends, where talk and laugh and where the Schmoller can unobtrusively return to normal life after a while. Nevertheless, pouting is triggered by a heartfelt injury, behind it hides a rage - great feelings that can not be expressed otherwise. We have to talk about that. As soon as nobody pouts anymore. And maybe even a strange paradox will end up in the end: It is true that pouting first came about because our naïve belief in the great love in everyday life is repeatedly shaken. But if pouting is caused by such deep, original feelings, that obviously means that there is such a great love. But only there, where is sulked.
