4 things you use to destroy your marriage
Sad but true: every third marriage in Germany fails. In 52 percent of the cases, the woman initiates the divorce. As the Federal Statistical Office found, couples were married for an average of 14 years and 8 months before giving up the ideal of sharing their lives.
Interesting: Pair therapist Peter Pearson of the Couples Institute in California cites four behaviors that couples are guaranteed to lead their marriage into the abyss, UK Business Insider reports.
1. Want to change the partner, but not yourself
For many couples, there is a clear division of roles: one makes everything right, the other is the problem. The solution? The "wrong" partner has to change. "Many say, if the other changes, I do," says Pearson. But with this attitude both lose. Changes should always be addressed simultaneously.
2. Retire to the shell
Also (k) a solution: to withdraw so much from the partner, that hardly any real contact takes place. The reason: The fear of being hurt or rejected. But anyone who falls silent injures the partner too. He has no chance to experience how unhappy the other is. Pearson's advice: Open your mouth! Say your opinion! Talk to the partner about what is important to you. Share your thoughts? even if that is sometimes painful or shameful.
3. Freeze in routine
Just because two people live together, they are not sharing their lives yet. Too often, routine takes the place of curiosity. Pearson finds that many couples lack a sense of responsibility to the relationship. Add to this the erroneous assumption that someone with whom we have been for a long time knows us automatically inside out - and always knows what we want. "Mind reading is a hugely unreliable form of communication," says Pearson. Nevertheless, many couples would pretend that they could learn it. Instead of placing unrealistic expectations on the partner, one should rather strive to keep the marriage alive. For example with these tips for a long love.
4. To adapt too much to the partner
Exaggerated harmony does not help a marriage, because every person has their own habits and preferences. "Couples adapt to each other right from the start, but it only becomes problematic when there is reluctance and the partners do not talk about it." Pearson's Advice: Do not try to always please the other. Instead, couples should get used to communicating lovingly, but clearly, and being ready to compromise. And it is not a bone break if everything does not work out harmoniously - it is crucial to keep in conversation.
