You or you?

You or you? Formerly a simple question of form, which was answered according to clear rules like: Unknown one does not duzt one. Or: one must be offered. The higher may not, the lower rank not. But who is higher in the job, for example? The hierarchies have become flatter, more and more people work equally side by side. Laxity is often desired. Since "Good day, Mr. Schmidt" may even be rude compared to "Hello, Klaus". It is already difficult with the rules: Who are we talking, and who is allowed to us? Today the decision is mostly intuitive, out of the gut.

I have been discussing a discussion with colleagues for three years, the fourth is new to me but the other is not. They are dueling. IM not sure. All the while, tiny bits of my attention disappear into the problem: how do I address them when I even address them? I do not want to congratulate myself on the laid-back you, I do not want to offend her with the formal you. Duzen also creates closeness. Proximity implies trust. Trust creates a good atmosphere. And we all do our job better when we're happy. I decide for the offensive you. Bingo, the unknown smiles and dudes back. An exception? No more. The pinstripe fraction is faster with you today. Even the chairman of the supervisory board of Morgan Stanley Bank in Germany should no longer be important to win over all employees.

The new manners should signal young

Since the age of 68, the du is on the rise in Germany. The students demonstrated with the indiscriminate Duzen: "I am revolutionary, left, unruly." Today, people of almost any age signal with it: "I'm cool, young, at least in the head." On the Internet is geduzt, in advertising is geduzt, on parties is geduzt. In Berlin-Prenzlauer Berg consistently everything is geduzt what no walker needs.

The in-hairdresser has long decided to duzen customers in principle - what else should he do? He says to all of you, he scares the boys, send. If he wakes up from the age of 50, he tells the elders to understand: "I can see that you are already far from being in my toddler group." Would not be nice. "Well, I do not want to be tutored by my hairdresser," says a woman from Hamburg. There are also regional differences: Berlin makes faster, Hamburg wins longer.

I used to be outraged when an unknown person just used me. Did not one take me for full? This is not my problem anymore. Today I like that you. It tells me: Here you are at home. With exceptions. The other day I was annoyed at the alternative practitioner when he asked: "Do you occasionally have bladder problems?" It's hard enough talking about bladder problems with a 15-year-old man wearing a fashion-bald base-cap. It's a torture to you.

And even in the job a spontaneous you is sometimes clearly out of place. An acquaintance, a job section manager, felt uncomfortable when a 20-year-old trainee spoke to her in the hallway. "You, where's the copier?" The intern probably had misunderstood something: everyone is talking to each other, so I have to. Duzen must be at Ikea or H & M. There is even a court ruling that a German boss with a Swedish employer has to let himself be hired by his employees. And also applies in German companies: Who is the only one on the floor or in the open-plan office gesiezt, should go in itself. If the colleagues so clearly distance, that is bad for the image.

I once felt really promoted, as a secretary - you have to say: the picture of a secretary! - me after years of cooperation you offered. After she duzte all other colleagues long ago. Sometimes I had silently asked myself, "What does she have against me?" After climbing into their Duz circle, I was much better looked at by everyone. The boss also seemed nicer. Not very logical, but true.

Duzen means closeness that you do not always want

Who is geduzt, belongs to it, also in the job. But I do not want to be by you with my boss, many say. Rightly. Salary negotiations, criticism and justification - everything is clearer and fairer by you. Where that is not backed by trust and at least a hint of sympathy, it seems wrong. Then you better stay with you. And if the desire for distance is not respected? If you feel obliged to make someone you do not want to have any closeness with? For years we have been excited about "the millers", now we should call them "Birgit". "I do not know that we have already kept pigs together": Today this old saying only helps to cement one's reputation as a bitch.

Sometimes it helps to stick with you.But when "the miller" asks, smiling, "My love, have not we already been with you?", We must probably duck back. Therefore we do not have to love "the millers". Chancellor Angela Merkel duzt, it is said, with Roland Koch and Edmund Stoiber. Out of inclination?

Some companies have introduced the well-kept you plus first name - initially unusual, but perhaps a good compromise between casual and distant handling. So that you-say retains its actual meaning, we still need the distanced you. It feels better all over where inclination does not matter, nonchalance would be a mistake. Of course, my new phone provider will tell you if he advises me. I do not need his sympathy, but his correctness. And he just wants my signature under the contract. Where the public cuddle sound is unproblematic, I enjoy it too. The popcorn seller in the cinema or the young waitress who brings the latte macchiato, I lately lately, sometimes - trial. My daughter is much bolder with the spontaneous du. Recently she tried it on our old family doctor, the Sanitätsrat Dr. med. Fichtner. I almost fell off the chair. "He used me too," Lilly said afterward. Yes, but he has already seen her lying in the stroller! And there he was 50! "No matter," she replied, "that's all unimportant philistine stuff."