Embarrassing Flirt Tips: So you become a player!
It's only been a half-time since Bravo earned a well-deserved shitstorm for an article called "So you guys fall on: 100 tips for a hammam broadcast": a scary 50s handout for pretty, fitted girls, whose life goal is to please "boys".
Now comes the "InStyle" from the cover: with a guide for slightly larger girls: "6 tips: How to catch a football professional" is the edification for would-be Cathy-Hummels' or WAGS (= wives and girlfriends), like the Genus of the player's wife is called in English.
"How do you get a sexy kicker?" is the crucial question and the sports experts of InStyle shoot directly with their concentrated expertise. We analyzed that (original quotes greased):
1st tip: "Grazing on the right grass"
The next Mats Hummels can lurk everywhere, al-b-e-r-a-l-l! InStyle advises: "The best way to get around the hotspots in the city, for example, the noble Italian, the sweet wine shop or the club around the corner." The customer review has been automatically translated from German. As is well known, the common sexy kicker usually depends on sweet wine shops, in front of him a full carafe of sweet wine and a (really stupid!) Sweet service. Go on: "After home wins, players are often in party mood and most likely to be found." Dear editors, but here is the crucial information! Where are they most likely to be found? First look in the sweet wine shop? And we mean, to have heard that footballers like to drink beer? But what do we know, women! We learn: Stalkerinnen have it easier.
2nd tip: "Wear the right professional equipment"
Gaaaanz important for a successful man coverage: a "neat appearance" , because: "You do not want to happen that a conversation develops in everyday life and you look like a construction worker." Who does not know the bad "Bob the Builder" days? And then these guys might want to talk to each other! Existentially also this message: "The woman has to be 'editable' at any time and in any place." Yes, helmet hairstyle or not: The next Lukas Podolski could stand in front of us just when we bring down the garbage. Or go with our pug gassi. And now all: We are available anytime, anywhere! We are available anytime, anywhere! We are always ... We learn: Flirting with footballers is a damn full-time job!
3rd tip: "Choose the right game tactic"
Defensive is announced: "Nonstop talking about designer clothes, expensive cars and costly desires is taboo, you do not want to be labeled as money-hungry right away." God forbid! We do not even find the new Gucci bag sooo nice. In addition, nothing against a Porsche Boxster from 2014 to object, not really! And anyway: greed and love? That fits as well as the Bayern and the HSV! We learn: Small cattle are also crap.
4th tip: "Do not risk a red card"
There are supposed to be women who "the World Cup squad from 1974" list "or even "recite every first, second and third league table position" can. Incomprehensible! Also finds the InStyle expert jury: "Such behavior is not only unnecessary but really embarrassing, and men are also happy when they can explain something to women." So real (eye roll!). There is really nothing more embarrassing than women who have a clue about football and thus also specify, damn hell! We learn: stupid looks good.
Tip 5: "Count on young talents"
Do not just squint at Sugardaddy? even in the fully smuggled dressing room of the county league sometimes hide whole guys: "Unknown players ... are more open to new acquaintances." A pure investment in the future, because: "... maybe in a year or two they will be the new star in football heaven." And maybe not, but then you waste every weekend on some provincial football field in the company of village elders and volunteer firefighters? What more does a modern woman want? We learn: It does not matter whether it's the Bundesliga or the Bundesliga, the main thing is footballers!
Tip 6: "Do not shoot yourself offside"
The highlight at the end, the ultimate tip, how a woman can not only angelt a sexy kicker, but also hold it: "They do not want a woman who hops from club to club on the weekend and is greeted by every bouncer by name, but one who cooks her favorite food after training, spending relaxed barbecues on the weekend and quietly giving them to her parents able to imagine." Perfect! Small additional tip from our side: In the well-tempered wine cellar always enough bottles of sweet wine in stock! We learn: dream job: cramming at the stove - then it works with the professional footballer!
One last question, dear InStyle editor. Can it be that all this is just a big mistake? Admit it, you're doing a bit of satire now, because that's a big hit with young people on the internet?
Otherwise: clear case of own goal.
