Contracting for the new partner?
He is my first love. Others say this sentence at 18. I at 52. When I think about it, it seems to me quite unreal. My life is half over? and I look a man in the eye for the first time and say of the heart: 'I love you!' I had not believed it myself. But it was worth it to wait.
He is amazing. Quite different than I had always imagined my "great love". But perfect. He is independent and confident, he does not let himself be confused by my moods, he takes them with a wink. When I lie in bed next to him in the evening, sometimes I remember the church vows: "... until death makes us part." For the first time in my life, this big sentence does not seem ridiculous to me, but rather desirable from the bottom of my heart.
And yet: I have settled in my life as a single. I love Munich; the city where I live for ten years. Here you do not have to be in deficit without a partner. The sidewalk cafes are full of stand alone yuppies. I share the theater subscription with a friend. On the weekend, I like to go to the mountains, preferably alone. I have a nice old apartment in Schwabing. I do not care that it costs a fortune every month. I work hard and earn enough as a senior editor of a publishing house to be able to afford the expensive life in Munich relaxed.
It's my life, it suits me, I do not want another. If Martin would still pull to me? it would be perfect. But he will not. He is an architect and built up a small office in Dresden after the fall of the Wall. It's going really well now. It is his life's work that he is very proud of. He will not give it up. No way. The love for me can not be that big.
Contraction? He does not put pressure on me.
The heart says: Be brave! Start again!
He would never pressure me. 'Go get me!' Such a sentence would never go over his lips. Because he knows it would do the opposite. I am a self-confident woman who has both legs in life. I'm over 50 and do not even move from A to B, just because a man would like that.
Nevertheless, Martin leaves no doubt that my move to Dresden is the only chance for us both. The shuttle between Bavaria and Saxony? This can not be good in the long term. We're too old to rush to the train station like students every Friday night, spending hours on the train just to fall asleep in the other's arms after midnight.
Also in the job a change would be easier for me than for him. I could start my own business, just do my work as a lecturer from home. For less money, less security, less recognition. But I'm pretty sure it would work well enough to stay independent. But is it worth it ?!
I have to make a decision. It is the usual discussion between heart and mind. I know her from so many situations in life, yet she needs to be re-led each time. The heart says: Be brave! Start again! You longed for her so long, the great love? do not let them pass! The mind says: The venture is too big! Give up a job, in times of economic crisis? Are you crazy? In your age? And what if the big love bursts like a soap bubble?
