Women after the divorce: I would have known that BEFORE my marriage
Learnings from failed marriage, the second: After some time ago we introduced you to what some men especially regret after their divorce and what they would do differently in their second marriage, now it is women's turn. At "Huffpost.com," eight divorced women shared the biggest remnants of their failed marriage. We drew lessons from it. Even if you always learn best from mistakes? we do not have to do everything ourselves!
1. Ask for help is no shame.
"There is one thing in my marriage that I regret: That I did not talk about it when I was emotionally overwhelmed and needed help, we were just married and I had just given birth to our daughter, I thought I would have to Being that overmama and super-wife, perfect in every way, for me that meant caring for the kid, chucking the house, cooking, and looking like a Victoria's Secret model just got off the catwalk.
I gave myself impossible tasks and burned out quickly. I ended my marriage mainly because that seemed to me the only way out of the stressful life I had actually created myself. I was so angry with anyone who did not understand me. Looking back, I should have just had to say to my ex, "I need help". Today I know that our marriage would have had a better chance if I had talked about my feelings. "(Valencia Morton)
2. Build self-confidence first, then marry.
"I wish I had better developed my self-esteem and learned to be alone before embarking on a relationship, to wait longer for marriage so that I could start from a position of strength and independence instead of out Fear and Loss I also wish I had known earlier that the person we choose when we are between 20 and 40 can be very different from the person we want to grow old with and who we are after ours first half of life. " (Holly Martyn)
3. Be honest? even if it hurts.
"What I regret is that I ran a bad condition for too long, my husband's demands on our relationship and life changed shortly after we got married, so we kept arguing, and in hindsight I wished had the courage and self-confidence to address the core problem, instead I avoided the uncomfortable truth and kept the relationship going, even though we both suffered. " (Tara Eisenhard)
4. You are so much more than "just" a wife.
"Most of all, I regret that I was not independent and confident enough, I always saw my husband as the more important part of our relationship, rather than developing myself and growing, for example through a career or my own hobbies and interests, I defined This role was for me the sole source of my self-esteem - as a wife, a woman and a person - and then, when the relationship went in an unhealthy direction, I did not realize it at first because I completely fell into the hands of myself someone else. " (Patty Blue Hayes)
5. Often you can do much more than you think.
"I wish I had been clearer on what I could do, I was so busy blaming myself that I did not pay attention to what I could have done differently, partly because I was young and immature, I knew not that I can not ask for someone else to make me happy and fulfilled, I thought the divorce would be the solution because he was the problem, I wish I had known there were ups and downs in a marriage and sometimes it may be worth fighting for solutions, divorce was terrible for our children, and in that respect, I deeply regret it. " (Lisa Lavia Ryan)
6. You are worthy to stand up for yourself.
"If only I had struggled harder for myself before the right problems came in. When we argued, I mostly gave in, ignored my feelings, and set his needs above mine." Today I'm so much stronger than we were ten years ago when we got divorced In my second marriage I do so much different, I stand up more for myself because I understand I'm worth it. " (Trish Eklund)
7. People have different ways to show love.
"I would have liked to be able to love him the way he needed it.Until our divorce, the five expressions of love were completely unknown to me.My are touch and time together, his more action and verbal affirmation.Looking back, I know that our ways of expressing love have been in constant conflict. For example, if I wanted to go for a walk with him after dinner, the most important thing for him was that the dishes were washed and put away. When I wanted to lie on the couch with my head on his lap in the evening, he wanted to clean up the toys of the children and make order so we would not have to do that the next day.
We both feel and show love in different ways and I did not know that then. Whenever he did something that he found important, did I criticize him for it? although he wanted to be loved for it. "(Aubrey Keefer)
8. You can not be there for others if you are not there for yourself.
"I wish I had not given up on myself for my partner, I did everything for our relationship, and I often pushed what I wanted and needed for our marriage into what I wanted and needed, but in the end Not only does this destroy myself, it also provides a basis for a stable relationship, you can not be there for someone else if you can not even be there for yourself, if I could turn back time and do it all over again I put myself first. " (Eden Strong)