What makes stinginess with the relationship?
Stinginess is not cool. And Dagobert Duck is single.
Now in detail:
Sylvie had her first date with M. Nice talk, good-looking guy, no fireworks under the diaphragm yet, but she thought she would like to meet him again. Until then the bill came. M. immediately tapped his cell phone and announced radiantly: "34.70 euros for you, 24.50 euros for me! I round up to 25 euros!" And that was it then. Sylvie wrote him the standard mail that nothing could develop between them. Her friend commented that Sylvie's Dagobert Duck was probably fully happy because he had two dates for the price of one: the first and the last.
Avarice as a sign of fear of letting go
Stinginess does not make you attractive. In the miser, we suspect a narrow-minded fun brake, a petty obsessive character. In Mr. Sparsam we suspect an emotionally distant person who lacks generosity and heart warmth, with a "lack of" sensibility and a poorly heated home. There is some truth in the remark of one of my colleagues that people love how they handle money. For the material stinginess can betray the fears behind it:
- let go,
- to be dependent
- and the need to have everything under control.
Of course we should not judge rashly. In our world, where money is the greatest, is barely a little more emotionally charged than the actually snappy MammonAnd a whole bunch of experiences and praise determines how we feel about our credit card.
Love is about give and take? also with the money
But that with signs of stinginess our relationship alarm shrills, remains understandable? and is appropriate. Because we want to give and take in love. Openness, fun and aliveness. And someone who is willing to give everything for us in an emergency.
But how are we supposed to develop this trust if, because of the unbeatable price-performance ratio, we still have to wrench our neck muscles on the cheap movie theaters and shiver in the tent during the spa? Not to mention the impossibility of a spontaneous flight to Paris. And how confident and accepted can we feel with a partner who keeps a record of our debts on Heller and Pfennig when we're clammy and looking for a new job?
Sometimes the thriftiness of the partner may only be raging in the material and there is a bit more generosity in other areas of life. But avarice always narrows us in relationships. He sets boundaries and stands between us and our partner. Because we can not reach him for our needs and desires if he remains trapped in his inflexibility.
And the broader the avarice is an emotional basic constant in the partner, the more he will constrict us in the relationship. It will make us feel rejected, unsupported, left alone and unloved. You might think that a penny pincher could be beneficial to shopping junkies. But spendthrift and melee rarely meet, and even more rarely do they find their happiness. And a true uncle Dagobert is not deeply committed anyway. He does not want to share anything, let alone his life.