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April 25, 2024

Under German beds ...

You find, who employs a cleaning lady, should take care of their feelings? This is often not the case. What the Polish cleaning lady Justyna Polanska finds under German beds and comes to hear and see when cleaning, she tells in her books "Under German beds" and "Not quite clean". Here are excerpts.

Says a customer to me while I iron with her: "Justyna, but you do not look good today. So pale. "" Oh, I just have a cold. That goes away again. I'm just a little bit weak on my feet. "" Really, you're too much. You have to step down. Because dead you do not use me anything. Oh yes, do you still help my husband to carry the washing machine out of the cellar and put it on the street? Thank you."

A customer asked me when I came to clean her for the first time:

"Justyna, will you change first?"

"No, no problem, I'm just putting on my slippers."

"Are not jeans and top too tight? Does not that bother you at work? "

"No, dear, that you are worried, but my outfit does not restrict me."

"Oh, right. But do you want to make-up first? "

"Why should I remove make-up?"

"Well, otherwise everything will work out if you sweat and everything. I always go to the gym without make-up. "

"Justyna, can you wipe and sort the porn box today?" "How do you want to sort your movies? The alphabet? "" No, the genre. "" After what? "" Well, by the way. I have porn with groups, with lolitas, Asian girls, from behind. You know. "" Well, I do not know that well. How about dusting the films, wiping out the box, and then sorting the porn as you like? "" Okay. And? Which of the films would you like to see? Shall I have one, and we'll watch him by the way? "" No thanks. No need. "" Too bad. Are you ...? "" Yes, I'm sure. "

"Justyna, since I'll be in the office when you're cleaning, please send me a text message when you enter the house. And then another, when you leave it. So I can note down your start of work and your end. And please remember that Adidas and Reebok sports socks need to be layered separately. Otherwise it's going to be a big mess like six weeks ago, remember? "

"Martin, to be honest: I've asked you so many times before. Can not you dispose of your used condoms when you're done? You know, if I have to get rid of that hours or days later, I think that's pretty disgusting. "" Well, some things must have gone wrong in your childhood. "" What's that supposed to mean? "" Well, because you react totally aggro and jammed. Do you use condoms at home? "

I was cleaning the bathtub when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around. There stood Markus with his pants down. And laughed.

Even if he was a little pedantic, the doctor could be very nice. At Christmas I found a small plastic Christmas tree with my name. He had attached many small bills with a gift ribbon to it so that it was covered over and over with it. I found that touching. Although I first thought that this was my Christmas present and found out when counting that it was "only" my reward, but at least it was presented to me with mindfulness.

When I sat at the kitchen table with her because of the settlement, she had a large bowl of about 100 Ferrero Rochers on it. When I asked, "May I take one?" Was her answer: "No, they are for my little one."

Here's my personal top ten list of things I've found among German beds: # 10: Two Milk Packs. One empty, the other half full and fermented. 9th place: A quarter of moldy pizza. 8th place: half a chicken. 7th place: Used tampons with signs of rotting. 6th place: A condom? used. 5th place: A heap of dog vomit. 4th place: A whole fallen toe of the big toe. 3rd place: Two freshly removed wisdom teeth. From the day before. 2nd place: a living snake. She had escaped ... Rank 1: The mummified remains of a hamster already missing for weeks.

One time I did not plaster a customer for a while because he had money problems and a cleaning lady could not afford it anymore. When he was financially better again, he called me, and I returned to his apartment after months. I was not alone. Hundreds of cockroaches had attacked the kitchen. Everywhere swarmed and crawled.

Maybe it was his training, a certain compulsiveness or a pronounced play instinct.One thing is certain: every time I opened a cupboard or a drawer, I heard a soft but distinct snap sound. That came from the long hair that the resourceful gentleman had pasted over the closed doors with a tesa film. To check which ones I opened and which not.

At first, I did not mind that she took me for granted, but in return I had to win her over. Once a "you" slipped out of me, she immediately instructed me that she did not want that. That's too private for her.

Once I cleaned the stairs as she came screaming out of the bedroom screaming and two stilettos close to my head slammed into the wall. The heels left deep craters in the plaster. The attack was accompanied by: »SHIT, MAN! FUCK! PLASTER CLEAN, YOU BITCH !!! «

Here comes my personal list of the best Christmas gifts. I can assure you, I actually got them all. Sometimes garnished even with a nice saying ...: A pack of gingerbread - from last year; A book with cleaning tips - »Fachliteratur«; A Langenscheidt German - »Education is so important«; A crate of fruit preserves - »For Poland«; A basket - Everything a week before the expiration date; A tealight and a tea bag - »For a relaxing evening!«; A bag of herbal mixture - »Tasty salad herbs«; A 5 Euro voucher for H & M - enough for a hair tie ...; A two-euro piece - »Have a nice drink!«; A cube of grape sugar - »So that you always have plenty of energy to clean!«; A pen - from the Deutsche Bank; Two bottles of Aldi water - non-carbonated ...; An emergency sewing kit - from the hotel.