There is always time for a new girlfriend
We already knew each other for ten weeks. We had met together, looked over each other's shoulders, laughed at funny things together. Today would be the last day. The development project, for which a newspaper had engaged me for a short time, ended for the time being. I wanted to ask the lovely and great woman, with whom I had spent a lot of time in the last two months, to ask: "We sure drink a small coffee?" And in my head, this question felt so awkward and demanding, as if I wanted to say to her: "Do you want to go with me?"
It's a strange confession, but I have to confess: I'm really looking for a new girlfriend. I am married very happy; I have a fantastic sister in town and two great friends, but both live more than 800 kilometers away (one in Hamburg, the other in London). What I miss is the great girl with whom I can chuckle in silly American comedies. With whom I would like to hang on a bar stool at the bar counter with gossip. Within half an hour, willing to picnic with me in the park, fanning sorrow with a hot tea with light words and big eyes, or blaspheming over bad designer items at super sale.
Friendship works best in private
Sometimes it really hits me hard to say there is not one to which I can say: I'll come over for half an hour and tell you something that is hard to discuss at the listener and what neither man, children nor others in the family do As. Or I cook you a soup, because you are just filthy. Buy for yourself. Friendship works face-to-face, face to face. Friendship researchers know that e-mail and telephone often can not produce enough warmth and empathy. Her credo: to meet as often as possible. It's not just me. Recently the London "Sunday Times" alarmed and described the phenomenon of a new loneliness: "Although we live in the age of social networking, we are all more lonely today than ever before." The anonymity of big cities, the constant change of job like partner and the everyday stress smashed today more than ever the chances to find a real good buddy a few streets away. The tristesse is not just unique to singles: even in many marriages - apart from children, work and a bit of togetherness - the opportunity to nibble with someone, sipping a beer, letting off steam is lacking.
A new friend is damn hard to find
It is such a thing that lacks me. On Friday evenings, on rainy Sunday afternoons. And she's damn hard to find today. It has not been such a long time that (like in the days of a teenager) you swim like in a big school of fish and suddenly realize happily, oh, there is a synchronized swimming at your side. Whether you're looking for mothers in kindergartens, exciting characters in crash design for web design, or just new mates, beyond the 40's it's unlikely that a great woman just goes online. For a long time we have all been heavyweights of great emotions, yet we are not at all easy to make delicate ties to like-minded people or sisters in spirit. Why is that?
Perhaps this overloading is to blame because most of them are so tough and hesitant to get involved in closeness. But it does not work without it. Friends are not friends. A tight band only arises when you open each other. What is meant is not a quick soul striptease, but a careful disclosure of the inner coordinates. I met a lot of women who were cute about it, some of whom I obviously did not like, and some of them were not good friends after some painful back and forth. Of course, I also met those who were nice, but who did not get intoxicated with me. In short, diaries were too crowded, ideas too strict, leaning uncool, a quiet walk possibly banal.
Fooling for a new girlfriend is like being in love with a man
Friendship is a precious commodity today: in times of falling families, it is in demand like gold. Scientists and counselors never tire of singing the praise of the happy acquaintance. Therefore, their value is probably traded like an overpriced stock. Everyone thinks they have to, everything under it is not very attractive. This makes them a luxurious commodity that can not be bought around the corner. If you run out empty, you feel poor and stale. But we rarely try to buy friendship a little cheaper - so frivolous, playful to chase after her.The "Süddeutsche Zeitung" recently stated that the original idea of true friendship, that is, the sympathy between two people, "could probably be a similarly exaggerated and difficult to fulfill idea as the idea of immortal love".
Until one day I was afraid: that hurts almost like a kind of heartache. And this fondness for formidable girls, that's comparable to the heartache, which one knows from his men's stories. Why does not she even call me, why is she always having a coffee with others? And: am I perhaps too bulky myself too picky? Some, I know, are fully booked anyway, those radiant, seemingly uncomplicated sweethearts that are always buzzing with a crowd of other women. And everyone thinks that blond happiness would rub off on them. I will not stand in line there, but look for one myself - with which I can fall under the table. I have experienced moments when I would have liked to speak to a stranger, because she was so bold, so peculiar, so enriching.
At one of the airports, I once noticed a woman in a long dress, with sturdy boots and wild hair. She was small and looked very robust. I thought she was Russian and thought I'd like to be a friend. I have not exchanged a word with her. But even at home, in one's own quarter of life, can not even loosely wrap up with a charming candidate. Jaap Denissen, Professor of Personality Development at the Berlin Humboldt University, recently explained to the magazine "Psychology Today" the dilemma: "You have to meet a lot of people to make it click, you have to do something similar to the search for a partner and should be the circle of the Hold on to opportunities to increase the hit rate. " That surprised and confirmed me.
Why not just address a stranger?
Nobody wants to admit that he is searching. But if I like one, I'm struck by wild timidity. And I stand very close to her. Is there a second appointment? Am I annoying her? Have I just nodded too often? Can she find me exciting? I belong to the species of the waiters. The first long look - is there perhaps something? Am a Zauderin who weighs carefully, if the other might have a soft spot for me. This is not always easy to recognize. After all, neither of us at some point says "I love you". It is a faint key to whether you want to warm each other's souls in the long run and pull on the ears. After all, our lives are packed with little capacity and a lot of custom. Getting involved late with a new friend takes time and can upset old beliefs. There will be discussions, things might get on your nerves. Sometimes I have the feeling that at some point many will not feel like it anymore, or they will miss their guts.
Maybe that's how it is for me. Eventually, you finally have to show your colors, tell of his corpses in the basement. Also, nobody wants to admit that he is looking. Nobody finds it prickling in times of total networking to admit that this flank is open. Of course that makes me shy, too. Still, I dream of inviting funny strangers to a coke, asking them for the book they're reading on the subway. An American researcher once recommended contacting and talking to at least one unknown person per day. A measure that would prolong life, he said. It has long been proven that sociable people have a stronger immune system.
Those who often feel lonely, strained heart and vessels, prone to depression. It would be presumptuous to say that I am afraid of a heart attack. But I feel in those moments of being alone, where I would like to cut onions while old Dixie is on the radio and I confess my passion for Ewan McGregor, that there is a void in my life. I think I'll go out and look for a great woman. Maybe I know her long ago and have not dared to address her yet.
