The 4 claim types in the partnership: how they affect our relationship happiness

Goals, achievements, perception, inner attitude? all things that we (and rightly!) often and diligently deal with, if we want to help our luck on the jumps. What we neglect now and then: Our expectations! In fact, they also play a huge role in our satisfaction? for example, in the relationship, as a study of Bar-Ilan University in Israel showed.

The 4 claim types in relationships

In a 2014 study, psychologist Sivan George-Levi interviewed numerous couples about their aspirations and expectations of partner and relationship? and to their satisfaction in the partnership. George-Levi focused on more mature, long-term relationships: the participants were over 50 and have been together for more than 20 years.

Based on her answers, the psychologist has divided the respondents into four groups, the four claim types:

The excessive claim type: This guy often asks himself if his partner is good enough for him? and often answers them with no. Excessive claim types have the feeling, both in the relationship and secretly, that others owe something to them and have to look after them. They always find something to complain about their partner and even after years in an exclusive relationship, they still keep their eyes open for someone better. An alternative term for this group: The narcissistic claim type ...
The high claim type: The respondents who formed this group generally had high expectations of the partner. For example, they took it for granted that the other person senses and fulfills their needs and demands without them explaining them. In general, they tended to expect more than they give? and sometimes more than they deserve ...
The suppressed claim type: For this group, it is typical that they tend not to be good enough. She instinctively assumes that the partner's needs and interests take precedence over their own in the relationship. Those who fall into this category often have great problems expressing their own demands and wishes and standing up for themselves.
The specific claim type: "I deserve a partner who will respond to me! I insist that I get in a relationship what I am entitled to! I think my partner can be happy that he has me! " Typical principles of the particular type of claim. The interviewees who belonged to this group generally did not find it difficult to express their wishes and interests in the partnership and, if necessary, to fight for it.

Claim type and satisfaction

But how does the respective claim type affect relationship happiness? Although the couples interviewed by George-Levi had been together for decades, the analysis of the responses revealed a clear picture: the excessive and the oppressed claim type felt rather unhappy in their relationship, the particular and the high claim type rated their satisfaction in the partnership against it as high one? as well as their partners!

The explanation of the psychologist: Who takes himself too important and therefore too high, excessive expectations of the partner (type 1), can not be happy in any relationship? because no one is capable of fulfilling his expectations. However, who considers himself as so unimportant that he does not even express his needs (Type 3), has an equally low chance of true relationship happiness? because if the other does not know our wishes, he can not fulfill them.

On the other hand, according to George Levi, types 2 and 4 have better chances with their claim to a partnership. Although they make high, but quite realistic claims that can meet the other (who is with the high type of claim, admittedly needs a lot of sensitivity, but such people should? S yes give ...). In addition, do you expect your partner to feel that they really are one hundred percent involved in the relationship, that they want to actively shape it? and need him! This in turn increases the satisfaction of the partner.