• March 28, 2024

Sex on schedule?

Out and about, we can not do it. We do not have sex anymore. But two children, our jobs and something like a social life. Meaning, if the day is done, we are too. After fourteen hours of continuous service to bosses and family (not counting the night shift), the man at my side and I perhaps still on consume sitting on the couch to consume licorice snails of red wine. Without talking, of course. Or as one dry night, Tom said, "Rest, I never thought that rest could be better than sex." But what the hell, I thought to myself, the service of the company costs just time, because you will be able to do without the little bit of sex. And anyway: After all, we're not the only one who lives involuntarily abstemious.



According to a study by the University of Göttingen even 65 percent of German couples dissatisfied with their sex life. Both want, both can - actually, the scientists found out. But as the first to do something for the love life, then no one would like to get up. Too cozy the couch, too tempting the evening in the sauna. No wonder there will be no desire at some point. It's all about the stress of all this.

On the next page: Rush Hour in the erotic

The Aachen Sexualtherapeutin Dr. Ulrike Brandenburg "Those who are on the verge of stress management are generally deaf to sex and, accordingly, deaf to make room for the desire to have sex." Tom and I both feel like doing it. Even after eight years of relationship. We just do not know when to live it out. Every minute of our everyday life has been planned for weeks: Monday I have my French course, on Wednesday Tom goes to the squash, Thursday is girls evening. And the remaining evenings? Exactly, liquorice and red wine.

Obviously there is something like a rush hour in eroticism: Too much has to be done at the same time. Since then just the sex is silent. Why? At the beginning of a relationship, we do not care whether the weekend shopping is already done or the bank statements are ordered - it is important to tear the other things from the body. In every free minute we can get hold of. If that is not available, we just take it easy. Somehow, we assume, even in an everyday-afflicted long-term partnership, sex would already find us - just as five-year-olds are sure that the Easter bunny comes to them. Absurd. Exactly the opposite is the case.

The therapist and author Ulrich Clement In his book "Good sex in spite of love" * he puts it in a nutshell: "Eroticism gets worse on its own, you do not have to do anything, just wait." Anyway, my friend Annie was tired of waiting for a few weeks of sex withdrawal. She introduced a "bathing day" in her relationship: For a month, she and Jan disappear on Tuesdays from 20 clock in the tub.

On the next page: Sex on schedule



Do I give up my eroticism of ridicule, if I plan it like the half-yearly tooth cleaning?

Granted, when Annie told me that she was having sex with her own husband in the bathroom, I thought it was silly, embarrassing and downright stuffy. Sex on schedule That sounded at least as sad as a meeting of the Central Committee of Chinese Communists. If you have to date as a couple even for bed, so my judgment, it will not be long, and you start thinking about joining a swinger club together. On the other hand, I had to admit that Annie has definitely had more sex since the launch of the bathing day than I did in the last year.

My reluctance dwindled completely after watching her bright face again and again every Wednesday for a few weeks, and actually, nothing bothered to keep a fixed date for love during the week , As well as for the Pilates class, the restaurant visit with the girlfriend or the weekly series evening.

In any case, couples therapists think that having sex on schedule is a pretty great idea. Ulrike Brandenburg says: "If two lovers know from experience that they are good for sex, then I think it would be a good idea if they also make it active - let's just think about one of our last invitations We would like to do everything we can now, but we finally agreed, so once you're there, it'll be nice. " She is right. Do you know yourself from the sport: Afterwards you always feel great.

On the next page: Sex on schedule



So my decision was firm. Strangely enough, the man responded astonishingly calm to my announcement that from now on every Friday from 9 pm he would want to disappear in bed with him.At first I was not sure if he really understood that "going to bed" was not synonymous with "falling asleep".

Two days before our first time I got scruples. I thought I would expose my eroticism to ridiculousness when planning a passion like the half-yearly cleaning of the teeth. Also, would planned sex even feel good? Or would he just be as stuffy and boring as he sounds?

On the big day I was almost as excited as before our first date. I felt free. Independently. Ten years younger. When the leg shave I made sure to catch all the hair, after months I used again perfume and in the afternoon on the playground I caught myself with wonderfully dirty thoughts. Oh, life felt wicked and sexy, and I suddenly wanted to suffer again. Everywhere in my body it tingled. Just for that feeling in my stomach - that alone was worth the plan. And the Friday evening? Well, details I keep to myself, but most important:

On the next page: Also planned sex is good sex

Tom had understood me very well, and, yes, despite project stress and ironing, I was still a sexual being. After the first few minutes, in which we were, admittedly, a bit nervous and awkward in bed, not knowing whether this action was not too embarrassing, we took the opportunity. If not now then when? This time was ours and we tasted it. On the repetition on Friday we did not stop with hesitant thoughts.

Anyway, after a few weeks I can say Also planned sex is good sex. In addition, one should not underestimate the power of the ritual, regularity stokes the fire. Incidentally, the planning will eventually be superfluous anyway, because then you know what you could spend twenty unexpected free minutes ...

* Ulrich Clement: "Good sex despite love", Ullstein publishing house, 276 pages, 18 euros

Sex on a Schedule 2.0 (March 2024).



Sex, Ulrike Brandenburg, Ulrich Clement, University of Göttingen, love, sexuality, family and job