Lying in love
For three months, Steffen has kept little Philip for his sonwhen he learns that he is not the father at all. Sabine cheated on him during a meeting. An affair, two nights. Nothing serious. To hide the infidelity would not have harmed anyone, says Sabine. From their point of view, absolute transparency does not have to be in love. Almost all psychologists share this view - although there is no recipe for where the border runs. Basically, if the lie strains the relationship or one of the partners, then the truth should be on the table. Sabine feels stressed, very much. Because she is pregnant after the conference. And that after she and Steffen did any chin-up to get a child. Sabine is determined to tell Steffen the truth. But the right moment just will not come. Because there is never the right moment for really nasty talks.
A bad time full of conflicts. Sabine sometimes floats half a meter above the earth for joy at the child; Like a magic drug, the feeling creeps in that everything will sort of settle by itself. A little later, she trundles reliably into a low and longs for a solution to her dilemma, a bit too punishable for her behavior, a miscarriage. The relationship suffers extremely. Sabine rejects Steffen: The more tenderly he approaches her, the louder her bad conscience is. When she hears about the evil power of family secrets on the radio, she decides to talk to her husband the same night. A particularly inappropriate moment, because Steffen is tired and has an important conference the next morning. But she does not care. She tilts the story in front of him like a bucketful of water.
He does not believe what she says. Then he turns pale. The voice fails him. In front of his eyes rattle up and down the many situations in which he has been deceived. He feels infinitely humbled - by Sabine's infidelity, by her long silence. His worldview is in shards. It takes a long time until proximity is possible again. Steffen asks for half a year to think time, he insulates himself totally to decide whether he will stay with Sabine and what role he wants to play for the child.
In a couple therapy, they finally take their story apart. They realize how much they had drifted away from each other, over a year ago, because the sex on the timetable, the eternal topic of child prodigies, had strained their relationship to the utmost. Philipp is now three years old. Steffen is the legal father, and he is happy with it. Adoption is not necessary because Philipp was conceived during the marriage. The crisis deepened the relationship between Sabine and Steffen. Sabine says, "We understand that we have to keep talking very well in order to really understand each other." This is trained: Almost every evening they sit together for an hour for a "couple talk". If Philip is a little older, he should learn from his biological father. The computer specialist lives at the other end of Germany, is married and has two daughters. He is still waiting for the right moment to tell his family about his son.
