Lovesickness: The first practice for heartbreak
White materials shine in the light, which swells through the cracks of the blinds. A chair, deep red and comfortable, radiates towards the visitor. On the wall are framed pictures, the motives: Hearts, what else? On the table is a bowl of sweets. Sweet for the pain.
Sylvia Fauck has even carefully chosen the soap on the toilet: it's pink, with little red hearts in it. The penthouse apartment in the fine district of Eppendorf in Hamburg, where the lovesick expert receives her visitors, is a bright, friendly, lovingly designed place. However, the visitor comes less because of the ambience, but because he wants the counselor to help him to kitten his broken heart. To make it as plump, red, and intact as the hearts behind the glass frames. And in the soap.
If you have heartache, explains Sylvia Fauck, who feels like the earth has opened. This is especially true when the other one suddenly ends the partnership. When there was apparently no reason for a breakup. If you can not find an explanation for it: "This will literally tear away the carpet under your feet, you do not have a proper degree, nothing that you can grab," says Sylvia Fauck, and: "Anyone who seeks my help feels deceived, betrayed , deceived. " One of her clients has compared such an end to a termination without notice. A good comparison, says Silvia Fauck.
The 51-year-old is a state-certified psychological counselor, she wrote her diploma thesis on "Family work". Since November 2004 she advises her clients in terms of heartache. Previously, Silvia Fauck worked as a coach, but soon found that her clients need one thing above all: approval in love affairs. She decided to specialize and now looks after a large number of lovesick clients - also via a hotline. One hour consultation with Sylvia Fauck costs 80 Euro. For one and a half hours, 120 euros are due, of men and women in leadership positions, they even asked 150 euros. Since one or two hours of counseling is not enough to cure a broken heart, quite nice sums come together here - which, however, are not covered by any health insurance.
Men: relationship hoppers and oppressors
Healing for her license to the heart, says Sylvia Fauck about herself, education and bookish knowledge are important, but crucial is their own experience: to be left without a reason, by a person, with whom one imagined to be completely happy, this feeling knows the woman from Hamburg from own experience. Four and a half years ago, her then-life partner ended the relationship - by fax, and completely unexpectedly. A personal catastrophe under which Silvia Fauck suffers today. In the job as a professional "girlfriend on time", as she calls herself, but help her own experiences. When Fauck tells her client about her abruptly and painfully terminated love relationship, grasp the trust, because then they know, "She really understands how it is," she says.
The most important step in the fight against lovesickness has already been made by Faucks clients. Because who does not allow the pain, may suffer for years. Anyone who does not grieve and simply goes over to the day-to-day business, stuns themselves with work and sports, will eventually catch up with the lovesick again. "That's why many men turn around in their mid-50s," says the counselor. Most of her clients are men, about 70 percent. They are between 35 and 65 years old, "all intelligent and professionally successful," as Sylvia Fauck assures. But unable to cope with her feelings.
Men, so Faucks experience, are more prone to relationship hopping. They leave a woman only when they have something new in their hindquarters. With Sylvia Fauck they mostly stay for only a few sessions - until the "heartburn" is gone. Then they go on the stalk again. Typical for men who have been abandoned: many feel that this has happened quite unexpectedly. "Even though their wives have been telling them for years that they can not - men simply do not listen, they are often unable to discuss private issues," the lovesick expert explains. Poor sex is rarely the reason for a breakup. Nevertheless, men suspect first that the new one is probably better in bed. "Often I hear this from men, a woman has never expressed this concern in my therapy sessions, men are much more defined by sexuality," says Fauck.
In three steps to a better love ability
Sylvia Fauck has developed a three-step cardiac healing program. This does not work in severe cases. She therefore transfers people who can not sleep anymore. She works with the lighter cases.At the beginning is the work of mourning, that is, the very individual work-up of the relationship and its end. "It's just broken and weeping, especially the women who seek the blame: What have I done wrong? Why did it have to come to this?" Fauck addresses these questions with her clients, captures them at mourning, offers a "value-free judgment," as she calls it, to bring them back to life.
Subsequently, Sylvia Fauck tries to rebuild the self-confidence of her clients. "The most important thing is that they realize: I was not to blame!" Explains Silvia Fauck. For example, the Forsaken learns in conversation with her that the ex-partner fled after falling in love for the first time, because he did not want to commit himself firmly - and therefore there is no reason to feel inferior. Then comes the most difficult and at the same time most important part. Those left behind must learn to trust themselves and others again. "Whoever sits with me usually says: 'I never want to fall in love again!'", Describes Silvia Fauck the problem. She teaches her clients to (re) discover their own strengths. "Especially women learn to stay with themselves and not headlong into the next relationship." Ideally, after talking to Sylvia Fauck, they are not only ready for a new love - they have also learned to better deal with a new relationship.
This is something more women do than men, as Silvia Fauck observes again and again. They are not just looking for help when a relationship is over. They also come into the lovesick practice when they are unhappy in their partnership. Their goal: to learn something in order not to repeat old patterns in the next relationship. Like a woman in her thirties, who came to Silvia Fauck, because she felt lonely and eaten up by her job: "She is now happily married," says the heartache expert.
Hotline and link tips
- Silvia Faucks lovesickness advice can be reached at the hotline 0900 - 5102374 (1.89 euros per minute from the telecom landline).
- Click here for the homepage of the lovesickness practice.
- Exchange in our community: Click here for the forum "Separation and Divorce"