Love at work: You should pay attention to these rules
Seven Cloud in the office
They were eating together, then Thomas * brought Maria Peters * home. At the door, he took a deep breath and said, "I could imagine a relationship with you." Not exactly wild-romantic, rather a careful knocking. "I do not have any enzymes for it, if one drags me," says Maria, 32, and laughs. "I thought we're just buddy!" For two weeks she considered, then she met with Thomas. She did not hesitate because she doubted her feelings. She hesitated because he was her boss.
Studies show that the workplace is the third largest, after some even the second largest brokerage of Germans. A representative study by the founder blog Viking revealed in September that one in three has ever kissed a colleague. 65 percent have ever had sexual fantasies with their colleague or colleague. And one in five has already started a lasting relationship in the workplace.
The dear colleagues - as nice as never before? In fact, the likelihood of partnerships at work is higher today than ever, says Meike Müller, career coach and author of the book "Rendezvous am Arbeitsplatz". The reason: "At no other time have so many women been employed, more and more on equal terms, working equally with men on projects, presenting themselves at conventions and conferences, and simply being more visible." Also, the fact that the concept of work has changed contributes to it, she says: "Especially in occupational fields that deviate from the classic working hours, there are many opportunities for private listening: you experience your colleagues in different situations, perhaps you travel together and then has the opportunity at dinner to talk away from work. " This is how the relationship between Maria Peters and Thomas came about: they were working on a project far away from the headquarters of their company and were new to a foreign city. It came naturally, to commute together and also to do something apart from work. Neither he nor they are married or have a partner, even the age difference is not remarkable. And yet they keep their relationship secret. "It would not be good for the team if two suddenly have a special status," she says.
The fear of prejudice is great
And as a young, attractive woman she has another fear: the loss of prestige that she enjoys in the company thanks to her hard work and discipline. "As a woman, you are always the stupid one, I do not want to be the one who has" fallen asleep ", says Peters. Because she would like to ascend, has ambition, big goals. And fear that all this is no longer important if the round should do: Peters has something with her boss.
In addition to rumors often arise loyalty conflicts: the boss's girlfriend may know more than the others? Can you put them in front of the cart for your own purposes? "If you get into such a situation and can deal with it openly, it is very important to emphasize: I am still your colleague, I want to continue working well with you," says Meike Müller.
But even if two employees come together on the same career stage, Müller advises to leave the relationship at home: "Just do not do your couple thing in your professional life. At work, you are a work colleague and behave yourself like that. If you prefer to have lunch with the Italian at lunch, you may be cutting off important information. "
I found him nice from the beginning
On the other hand, colleagues sometimes also show great dome talents. Without her, Karin Schäfer's marriage might never have materialized. She is a midwife in Frankfurt am Main and for 14 years happily married to her colleague, an anesthetist. The two have three children. "I thought he was nice from the start," says Schäfer. She was 24 years old when she started in the hospital where they met. In the delivery room there was always the opportunity to talk. The problem: When he talked about his weekend plans, he mostly talked about "us." "I thought: The nice ones are already occupied." But her colleagues found out: He spoke of himself and his roommate. Meanwhile, her husband had already been put in that she was interested. "That was a bit embarrassing", says Schäfer and laughs. "But it was cute as well, as everyone always got stare when we talked." After a celebration in which all the others left the room in a conspicuous and inconspicuous manner, in which the midwife and the anesthetist were talking, everything became clear between them - scarcely two years later they were married. Thank the colleagues.
The fact that the two partners and colleagues are at the same time has never been a problem: "We live pretty much the optimal case," says Schäfer. "Although we are in the same house, but in different departments, which sometimes have small intersections, which means that we know each other's colleagues and therefore always know who they are talking about, they both have their own environment . " Schäfer has many colleagues who fell in love at work and often even got married: "I think the clinic is a place where it's easy to find, because you experience destinies that connect people, you talk about it and you lead deeper conversations than in office jobs, "she says.
Every company sees things differently
Chefs and employees do not always respond so benevolently to love in the job. The US supermarket Walmart has become famous for its attempts to prohibit employee relations. Many US companies also explicitly prohibit relationships between supervisors and their employees for fear of costly abuse of power. But in most companies in Germany the motto is: relationships between employees are their private affair. And some company bosses even explicitly welcome marriages in the company. One of them is Claus Hipp, the baby food magnate. "We live on the fact that there are children," he jokes. He sees it this way: If a couple works for him, "then both of them are positive about the work of their partner." Clever corporate leaders could even leverage private connections between their employees, Hipp believes. "For example, if a couple works in different departments with friction between them, they may be able to solve these problems because they reason with each other."
It can also be good for the marriage to work in the same house. "If the colleagues know both, you do not have to explain to anyone, for example, that the partner is also on shift work and that we have to coordinate with each other - the departments know that," says midwife Karin Schäfer. At the same time, her husband understands when she comes home later - and vice versa for him. "We know how it sometimes works."
Keeping the love at work secret costs a lot of energy
For Maria Peters, the game of hide and seek in front of the colleagues is slowly exhausting. "The closer we get together, the harder it will be to turn it off when we leave the apartment, for example, to be careful not to touch."Sometimes she forgets to greet Thomas in the office - they have already seen each other in the morning. They come and go separately. The joint vacation planning is like an intelligence operation. "Keeping the love secret at work costs a lot of energy," says expert Müller. If there's nothing against it, she advises to dedicate the work environment as soon as it's more serious - and then, if possible, to pull the situation apart: "Maybe someone can move you to another department. Make sure you have so little in your job as possible have to do with each other. " This is also Maria Peters plan: In one to two years, she wants to switch to another project in the company. And then - hopefully the last piece of stealth - pretend that she and her boss are getting together fresh.
* Changed name
