Living apart despite children - contracting is out of the question

We are still together because we do not live together

Gesa says:

"The questions came with my first pregnancy when Mirco and I had been together for three years, previously people around us had more or less taken note of the fact that each one of us stayed in his own flat, but parents became and Not living together, that did not go into the head of many people It was the basic requirement for us when we talked about children: just do not give up our independence.There was actually a move, but only because it was too tight in my then apartment That's why, since Robin's birth, I've had my own place to stay, a living room, a nursery, and half a room to sleep on.



People who get to know us new often think of us as a couple. Because the children live here, sometimes there. Then, when they realize that we are living a different model, I explain to them: we are together, not though, but because we do not live together. Under one roof we would not break our heads, but we would be less happy. Now with the baby we spend most of the time four, but that will change again. Up to Toni's birth we had a perfect arrangement: at most five days a week all together, sometimes with me, sometimes with Mirco, and each of us adults at least one day for themselves. At the very beginning, I have always stuffed my solo days with work, sports, going out. Today I enjoy it too, just not to do anything and to lie in the bathtub when Mirco has the kids. Sure, our everyday life is sometimes impractical? at the moment when it rains in the morning and the children's rubber boots are in the wrong apartment. But the benefits outweigh. Mirco and I do not have the romantic aspiration to share our whole life. It is more important to stay interesting for each other. "



Mirco says

"If you know everything about each other, where will the positive tension come from?" I think it's great to be able to enjoy each other's visitation, anticipation, we do not have a common account, we run our households independently, which gives us more time To talk about something really important, not just our children, but also our relationship, or just topics that interest us, I lived together with my girlfriend years ago and found it difficult to be swallowed up by everyday life - and those quarrels Who is me at all, where is my place With small children comes to it: One is very much in the role of parents In the times that I have for myself, I can be the one who I was before, by the way and will be back later - not so much "father of Robin and Toni", but just Mirco.



Sure, there are always people who look at us suspiciously and consider relationship disturbed. As if we could not stand closeness or shirk responsibility. Completely wrong assessment. In one and a half years, we will move together into a housing project in a new neighborhood, under one roof, but each of us in another apartment with other roommates. I think we also live up to something very important for our daughters: Human relationships have many shades, social norms should and can be questioned, and every human being has a different need for closeness and distance. "

'Conversation with the Candidate' with Tulsi Gabbard: Online exclusive (March 2024).



Love relationship, family life, parenting, housing situation