Little pashas and princesses: children have to help in the household
Monday afternoon in front of a primary school. Moms and dads wait in front of the schoolyard for their offspring, who storms shortly after the ringing from the school building. Then it will be scary for me. Next to me is a woman holding a Maxi Cosi in her hand, in which a not really small baby is lying. A minute later, she also holds in the other hand a jacket, a scarf, a gym bag and a satchel, while her son noisily romps around with her friends. She asks tentatively if it would be ok to get in the car now. The son does not respond. His mother strained the Maxi Cosi into a puddle and, with clenched teeth, stood smiling wearily beside the other mothers. Phew, I think, wondering: Is this going to be a mother nowadays?
Children are part of the household: love does not mean service
Not to misrepresent this: I really like to take things from my children. But please only if you ask before and not if I am used as a clothes hook as a matter of course. And certainly not if I would carry in my hand a 10 kg heavy Minimenschen. So I stare at the poor woman and vacillate between pity and anger. I mean, why the hell can she offer that? And perhaps more importantly, what is she doing to her son? Will he ever learn to develop empathy and a sense of other people's equality when, as a parent, we pretend to be their employees? I seriously believe that parents act that way because they mistake love for service. After the Mottto: I want you good, that's why I do everything for you. I understand the impulse. But that this formula does not work, you realize already that you can buy service. Do not love That's a big difference. Only children who grow up like that understand, maybe never.
Mothers, let your children help in the household!
I have children and they are an important part of my life. I take care of them and I take tasks and responsibilities they can not handle. But really only the. This makes me a raven mother in the eyes of some people. I do not help my six-year-old cleaning up because she can. I do not help my four-year-old showering. Because he can do that. And my big one makes her breakfast sandwich in the morning since she was 9. Because she can because she does not have to bring two more children to the daycare in the morning, and because I think it's worth saving five minutes in the morning, which she has relaxed and I do not. I think that's right, because first of all it makes sense and secondly I think it is respectful to trust the children too.
That's why I'm not a mother of a raven
No, of course I'm not super-mom. The hardest thing for me is my concept with our youngest. He was born with sultan attitude. His "get-me-look" and the following outburst of rage, if you do not, are really intimidating. In such moments, time pressure is the enemy and I actually believe that this damned time pressure is a really crucial point, which is why education for self-employment comes too short since mothers go back to work early. Wait to wait until your child puts on his own shoes when you have to be at work in twenty minutes. I know that and I fail regularly at these moments. But there are those other moments when there is enough time to sit it out. They are exhausting. They are grueling. But they are the only way to teach your child the most important lesson in life. Namely: The world does not owe you anything. And you can not steal from any responsibility just because you do not feel like it.
We are a team I believe that in a time of flat hierarchies and agile working, hardly any skill is as important as being a valuable part of a team. So if you really want something good for your children, it would be a great learning field and great at home. After all, families are like a team. There are different tasks, different talents, different qualifications and requirements. And everyone has their share of responsibility. A small world that trains for the big one.
But in my opinion only one parent bears responsibility for one thing: for the atmosphere in the family. For everyone to respect each other and pay respect to each other. And I can only convey that if I do that myself and demand it myself. For example, if someone uses me unasked as a clothes rack and satchel holder. So no one should be treated with us, not even me.
If benevolent respect sets the tone, then in the end everyone in the family is a prince or a princess. Only without a retinue. But with a lot of love and an extra dose of self-confidence, because everyone knows what he can do.