Lip Service: How Women Think About Sex
Heyne, 288 pages, 8.99 euros
When 23 very different women talk about sex, eroticism and true love, it can easily take 120 hours. So much material have collected the mirror TV authors Nicola Burfeindt and Jutta Lang to make a two-part documentary titled "lip service: women talk about sex". The documentary was televised in February. What prominent and non-prominent women think about sex can be found in the book on the program. We present excerpts: open answers to interesting questions - with women like Thea Dorn, Sissi Perlinger and Helen Fisher.
Hands off! These men are taboo ...
Thea Dorn (Photo: Kerstin Ehmer)
Being close to a man who is in a close relationship carries a high probability that the whole thing will end in tears. Therefore, at the beginning should be a clear analysis: Do you want only an affair? Or are you looking for a man for life? If it? Only? I wish the first, I wish good nerves, some sense of intrigue and otherwise a lot of pleasure. But when it comes to the supposedly great love, I would advise every woman: "Let go of it!" Unless you think you can handle a defeat too. Ultimately, it is somewhat hopeless to want to banish a passion, if one - or worse still - both got it right. In this whole area, reason rarely won.
Thea Dorn, born in 1970, studied philosophy and completed vocal training. She writes novels, plays, scripts and essays. From 2008 to 2009 she moderated the ARTE show Paris-Berlin, the debate. Since 2004 she has been the facilitator of literature in the foyer of the SWR. She lives in Berlin.
How many erogenous zones does the German average man know?
Uli Schreiber
I think the bosom is overrated. The men always find the bosom super hot. I do not know a man who does not make a busyness: "If I had breasts, I would play at my breast all day." I do not play at all on my bosom. In my opinion, men give a little too much attention. For me they could go somewhere else again, we have even more erogenous zones. This could be said to many men, that there are also many other beautiful zones.
Uli Schreiber, born in 1971, worked as a journalist and spokeswoman for various radio, television and print editors. From 1994 to 1998 she was a drummer for the Berliner Frauenband »Schön Blønd« and in 1998 became self-employed as music manager. 2011 should be her first novel.
Is infatuation a prerequisite for sexual desire?
Sissi Perlinger (Photo: Jens van Zoest)
When I was very small, I was enlightened by my mother very nice. And then she said, "But you only do it with somebody you really love rightly." I remembered that and for that I am very, very grateful to her. I think it's a big mistake that we jump into the box way too soon, far too soon, and thereby ruin ourselves a lot.
, born in 1963, is one of Germany's most distinguished cabaret artists and entertainers. She became known not only through her stage programs, but also through her own television shows and as an actress u. a. in The Last Messenger and The Bull of Tölz. In 2008 she was awarded the Bavarian Cabaret Prize (Music Prize). Since 2010 she is on tour with her new stage show "Take a break.
Does one need closeness to have good sex?
Helen Fisher
That depends on the participants. Some say that familiarity is absolutely necessary before going to bed with each other. Others say, "No, I do not even know what his name is." Still, I'm surprised that men find the sex act more intimate than women in themselves. For them, it is more of an expression of closeness to talk face to face. When we are intimate with someone, we look at him with a kind? straight in the eyes. This goes back to the distant past, when our ancestors held up their babies and fixed their faces; to comfort, admonish and educate them with words. Words are synonymous with closeness for women. There are women who want to talk to their partner just before sex. He thinks she's crazy. But she wants to create her kind of familiarity before it comes to sex. For the man sex is itself the expression of closeness. From an Darwinian point of view, that makes perfect sense. If a man has sex with a woman, she may give him eternal life. Because when she gets pregnant, she helps his DNA into the future. For the man the jackpot on this planet!
Helen Fisher, is a professor at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, and one of the world's best-known love experts. The anthropologist has written several books on the subject, including The Four Types of Love, Anatomy of Love, and Why We Love. For many years she has been intensively researching the topics evolution and chemistry of passion.
What is good sex?
Dr. Corinna Rückert (photo: private)
Why do we still need sex? Actually, you would not have to have it anymore these days. He is no longer regarded as a conjugal duty, the man can no longer sue or demand him. Not even for reproduction do we need sex. No one can actually force me to have sex - unless I like it. So I demand good sex as a woman. Why should I do it all else?
Dr. Corinna Rückert, born in 1965, studied Applied Cultural Studies and earned her doctorate with the topic »Women's Pornography«. Oswalt Kolle, with whom she was friends, coined and promoted her work. She has been publishing her own erotic literature for years and is committed to a relaxed approach to pornography. She lives in Berlin.
Who is responsible for bad sex?
Diane Weigmann (Photo: Warner Music - Anne De Wolff)
A deadly sin is that foreplay is often neglected, especially after a few years of relationship. Then it's the hand in the same place, the same look that immediately makes you realize: "Okay, he wants sex." I've heard that from many friends, that it's clear what it's all about.
Diane Weigmann, born 1974, is a German musician and songwriter. She became known to the general public as a guitarist and singer of the band "Lemonbabies" which she founded at the age of 15. 2005 appeared with Diane? the album her first solo album, in 2006 she performed with the song Hast hast you time for Brandenburg at Stefan Raab's »Bundesvision Song Contest«. She lives in Berlin.
How does an orgasm feel?
Uli Schreiber
I always say roller coaster. Maybe this picture fits, if you go down with the roller coaster and has this feeling in the stomach. That's something like that. I also describe this to my partner, telling him where I am right now. There's a moment during sex when he can stop, and I'll come anyway. Then you just drive down, like in the roller coaster. I think this feeling of being down is similar to an orgasm.
Can one be "outraged" only physically?
Paula Lambert
This is really a difficult model, as with communism. The idea is good, but it just does not work. Women always fall in love so fast. That's the problem. That's why having meaningless sex is not so easy. On the other hand, how valuable is meaningless sex actually? I find the beauty of sex that you can dream about, although I know God did not just have one.
, born 1974, is Germany's best-known sex columnist. Her book No Panic appeared in 2010, I only want sex, which immediately became a bestseller. Paula Lambert lives in Berlin, from where she writes about her sex life and that of other people.
The open relationship - cheating with permission or lazy compromise?
Helen Fisher
These people are trying to get everything out of life. You would like to have a relationship with one partner for many years, to be in love with another, to have new ones? Sex. And they want to handle it openly. No problem at the intellectual level: both have exchanged ideas, they think it makes sense, so they do it. What these couples are keeping quiet about is the many hours they spend each week with jealousy. To live out other parts of their personality, they pay the price of jealousy. Because jealousy is part of the human being.
Should one talk about sex with his partner?
Petra Joy
I think if you are intimate enough to have sex with someone then you should not be shy about being honest and saying what you want and what you do not want. Otherwise it is absurd. Otherwise sex is just a gymnastics exercise. If one is intimate enough to mix the bodies, then the thoughts should also mingle.
Petra Joy is one of the most famous and successful adult film directors. She has made numerous award-winning pornographic films from a female perspective, including: a. Female Fantasies (2007), Feeling It (2008) and The Female Voyeur (2010). She is the author of the book How to make your own adult video and has made a name for herself as the curator of the genre "Frauenporno" with the "Her Porn" DVD series.
Sex in longtime relationships - as bad as his reputation?
Nina George
A little tip to the men - there are three words that women love to hear: "Let's drive away!" Just get out of this everyday life and also from your own home. Have a picnic, go somewhere with the Vespa. This can be very effective in the long run, though it seems so easy.
Nina George, born in 1973, is a writer and publicist. She works since 1992 for women's, tabloid and professional journals and as a columnist of the Hamburger Abendblatt.Under her pseudonym "Anne West" appeared eleven non-fiction books about sexuality, partnership and the madness of life, as well as an erotic short story tape. She lives in Hamburg.
Is bad sex a reason for separation?
Paula Lambert
I believe many people end relationships because they find that sex has become boring and overlook the fact that sex is not the problem at all. But that the partner may not even fit on other levels.
make-up sex
Helen Fisher
Sex after a fight can be great. And that has biological reasons. If you're really angry, that boosts your testosterone and dopamine levels. Both hormones increase the desire.
Sex single-handedly: masturbation
Nina George
Women still rate masturbation: "Do I need it? May I do that in a relationship? Does my husband need that? May I allow my husband to be alone? "Masturbation is still very busy. With shame, with guilt. "You do not do that!" But 95 percent of women do it. And I can only advise them, "Do it more often, do it twice a day, your skin will get better." Do couples openly deal with it? Well, they do not share every morning at the breakfast table: "Oh, just in the shower I have again. Was nice. And you, honey ?! "
Advice to young girls
Petra Joy
Find yourself! And do not define yourself just as sex objects created for men. Of course, sometimes it's fun to be an object of desire. But live out both sides and find out who you are and what you really want. And do not copy the pictures the media give of a sexy woman and sex. Do not censor your fantasies! Live it out. Maybe they give you a kick that can change and enrich your life.
