Jealousy in Relationship: Five Tips
The party flirt
While she is on the dance floor with her friends, he meets a woman at the buffet. The two come into conversation. He likes the strangers, she can see that. How he holds his head and brushes his hair out of his forehead. After an hour, the two are still talking to each other, he flirts offensively now. She feels like an idiot. But does not dare to go. Silence on the way back in the car. "Is what?" He asks. "Nope," she says, "I just realize that you've obviously enjoyed yourself royally." - "We just talked," he says annoyed. "That looked different," she replies. "Watch out," he says angrily, "that was a party, you talk to people, if you just want to hang out with your girlfriends, please." "You can talk to who you want, but you wanted to lick the woman."
THAT THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS: We are quite free in our love relationships. Nobody tells us how we have to live them. That's why every couple has to negotiate the mutual borders. The jealousy is very important, because she says: "For my feeling you go now too far." And that's what the woman tells him, albeit too late and already deeply hurt and angry. At the party, she does not intervene. Her jealousy paralyzes her because she does not feel justified in feeling that way. Because she does not want to be possessive, constricting, to make a fool of herself. Of course, she could have gone and said to him in a friendly tone, "Now I am slowly afraid that you will forget me." Or: "Hello, I would like to kidnap my friend again." It may be that he felt constrained. But negotiating how much she feels ashamed of his behavior, how eager he is to respect her feelings, and whether she wants to accept his strangely flirtatious need for unquestioning, they must anyway.
From the mother animal again to the woman who is seen
For three years she had taken child-care leave for the common child. Now she goes back to the office, dresses more chic - completely different than before, as he finds. She receives compliments from the boss and also recognition from others for their changed charisma. "You have become so different," he says. "Yeah, like the way you used to know me," she replies.
THAT THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS: The sting of jealousy hurts, but it also revives. Jealousy does not just guard a bond by alerting us that a third party may be threatening our happiness. It also wakes us up and gives shine to the partner who has become a gray habit. The woman obviously feels more attractive again, and it will make her more attractive to other men. This is felt by the sting that attracts his attention. He has a choice of his own: either it scares him and he will try to narrow it - or he follows his jealousy in the other direction. And he admits how attractive he too finds her. If there is any protection against loss, then it is the living desire in a relationship.
The best friend
She often meets her best friend and calls her almost every day. He: "Do you have to see each other so often, but you can also go to the new exhibition with me, and anyway, what do you two always have to talk to each other?" She: "I take nothing away from you, as a couple we do a lot of things and some topics I prefer to talk to a woman rather than you."
THAT THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS: A love relationship never fulfills all the desires and needs we have. Therefore, best friends are important - especially for the preservation of a love relationship. If he really feels competing with the friendship, then he may be afraid that there might be a front against him, or he will struggle with envy. But you can talk about such fears, and it's worth it because the relationship can deepen through this open exchange.
Furious with jealousy - for the very first time
She has a new boyfriend for three months - and is jealous as ever. What's wrong with me, she wonders. Well, her last husband, with whom she was four years old, cheated on her more often, and eventually the relationship failed. But this frantic search for something that may not even exist does not know it. So far, jealousy has never been an issue for her. Has she become like this through the last bad experience, or is it because of this new man, is he unconsciously triggering something in her that she did not suspect was slumbering in her? She has already considered whether she should let him observe. 500 euros that costs.Money that would rather be invested in the next holiday together - but would not it finally bring her certainty?
THAT THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS: Jealousy is an unloved feeling, we are educated not to be jealous, not jealous. That's why many people are proud to know little jealousy. But only because one does not allow a feeling, it is not overcome. It remains unprocessed, and when it breaks, we can really learn to live with jealousy for the first time. Bad experiences, such as being deceived frequently, can weaken the inner barrier to jealousy - but also a partner who really means a lot to us. Maybe we have so far avoided it from unconscious loss anxiety, to engage with one we really desire. But there may also be an external reason for our jealousy, and we feel something in his behavior. In any case, the woman should take her feelings seriously and ask herself: what reminds me of previous injuries, how close I am to this partner, when does jealousy occur, when did she begin? So better start an inner detective on your own soul - and talk to the partner.
The rumor
For a long time he seems to her somehow different. He radiates, has so much energy and undertakes more than before. He was away on the last weekend. Business meeting. She could not reach him, his cell phone was always off. "Bad reception," he said. Today at lunch, her colleague told her. That she saw him, at the station on Sunday. And that would have looked like more than just a colleague. But she was certainly not. "Nonsense," she replies, "but not my husband!" But she is not sure. She has a stomachache when she goes home.
THAT THE PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS: She forbids her jealousy, but urgently needs to address him instead of appeasing herself. She does not take her feelings and perceptions seriously. But she is most afraid that what she fears is true. That their perfect world does not exist. Her jealousy challenges her to check that out, and that's what she's trying to avoid.
