"Hello, I'm the new one!" So you integrate into foreign groups
The morning before the first time is always bad. A mixture of diffuse tension, anxiety and energetic excitement. I wake up before the alarm clock and count the minutes to get up. All I want to do is lie down, pull the blanket over my head and do not move the sluggish body. I do not want to go out there. At the same time, the adrenaline level is on the peak, the heart is beating, and I'm more alert than ever. How do first days feel? an internship, training, a new job, a longer stay abroad or even before the new partner's family party. A fucking feeling. But, of course: nagging at a high level.?
New experiences keep us young!
Because often enough, new beginnings are self-chosen, rarely enforced. And even if they are forced, we will master them. Maybe it hurts a bit, but let's be honest: in the end, they will pay off. Because they always give you something. And if only the pride of having made it. Brain researchers have also found that new experiences keep us young. And in two ways: On the one hand they provide mental flexibility, on the other hand, the feeling of time is extended, if we break out of usual channels.
"My relationship to being new is love-hate"
New? no matter how difficult it may be So it's a currency we should not underestimate. I got to know best friends on the first days (beginnings finally weld together). I grew out of the excitement, bravely leaving my comfort zone and doing and saying things I did not think was possible. On the other hand, I have seldom felt so small, helpless and insignificant as in new situations. My relationship to being new is a love-hate relationship. But hate loves have their charm, too.
Is there a secret formula for successful beginnings?
There are a few criteria that help us to succeed in new groups or situations. In the first place stands "sensitivity for the context", as the psychologist ChroniquesDuVasteMonde Roser calls it. And that means first of all to look carefully: where did I land here? What is the DNA of the group? What am I needed for? For example, it does not help to consider your own assertiveness or speed as a plus if you do not want it in the new environment.
"Nothing is more uplifting than being able to say, this is my place!"
Another important point is a successful balance of critical ability and healthy self-esteem. Listen carefully and accept advice, but do not bend, but be aware of your own value. And finally, we should always look at all new beginnings, whether they actually fit in with us. That goes for the job as well as for the love. "There is no good or bad," says ChroniquesDuVasteMonde Roser, "the fit alone is important." Nothing is more uplifting than being able to say: Here is my place! And nothing is more energy-consuming than not being perceived as the person we are in a new environment. We can try so hard, we will not find our luck. And when it does, only one thing helps: press the stop button and start again.
Are there people who can do better than others?
"No," said ChroniquesDuVasteMonde Roser, "everyone is afraid of it, only the fears are very individual." For example, there are defensive people who, in an unfamiliar situation, go down and look at everything calmly. Then there are the offensive types who give full throttle and act according to the motto: Attack is the best defense. "Fear," says Roser, "but they both have, the one before making mistakes, the other from the loss of control." The woman, who so casually strolls into the middle of a room full of strangers, is not totally relaxed, she only falls in the category two. The one who puts herself unobtrusively on the wall and observes belongs to category one. And if they were both asked to do it the other way around the next time, they would have a problem. So there are no new natural talents.
Not everyone needs change!
However, there are people who have overcome so many hurdles that they are relatively confident in every new situation. "Self-assurance," according to Chroniques DuVasteMonde Roser, "is not innate, but comes from overcoming fears." That means: to dare again and again and to go beyond your own limits is the best exercise. But one thing is clear: Not everyone needs permanent changes. There are people with a higher need for stability and those who value change more. Both are okay.
Love: Why is Neusein so exciting?
When we go into unknown territory, we leave familiar structures. And no matter how worn these structures may be, they give us security. At best, we are seen there as we really are. "Our greatest longing ever is to go into a world in which we fit," says psychologist ChroniquesDuVasteMonde Roser. Every new beginning thus holds this promise, but also a risk. For who can tell us whether the new man or the new job suits us better? Nobody. And for this fundamental fear comes, for example, in professional life, nor the professional. Will I be able to master my tasks? Am I competent enough? How am I perceived? "Especially in the first few weeks you have to learn a lot, that requires tremendous attention," says management consultant Doris Hartmann. That's tough. So if we're not euphoric at a reboot, but exhausted at first, that's normal.
Once shy, always shy?
To what extent does childhood influence us in dealing with new situations? And: Can you educate your child to be less timid? "Whether a child is impulsive, extroverted, shy or closed is a matter of temperament and innate," says education expert Regine Rogge, "that will not change fundamentally in the course of life." But why would you want that? It is important to understand that there is no better or worse. Research characters may seem easier in life, but they can offend. Shyness per se is not a shortcoming. It may be a little harder for these people to get used to the new and unknown, but they are watching more closely, acting proactively and only when they are sure they are doing the right thing.
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