Educate children: You have no fault, it is all predisposition!

You might as well see it negative, but I've decided that I think it's great. Because it relieves me. As a mother, I am always somehow responsible. If my child behaves exemplary, of course I am proud. But if it does not, but behaves like the ax in the forest again, I feel guilty. After all, education is one of my tasks. However, I can now stop maltreating myself because King's College's British psychologist and geneticist Robert Plomin is certain that parents have few opportunities to change their children's character through education. I read that and thought, "Well, it's not my fault then that my son is sometimes so raunchy and my daughter has more trouble with math, at least not directly."



The grass does not grow faster when you pull it

Of course, I've always been aware that the grass does not grow faster if you pull it. But that I have so little influence on the character development of my children, I was already baffled? and somehow glad. It is hardly possible for parents to shape the intelligence, motivation or self-control of their children, for at least 50 percent of the genes are responsible, claims Robert Plomin. But everything else would not be solely in the hands of the guardians. Environmental influences would be crucial, but those that we can not influence at all.

However, decades of serious research shows that defining people's key personality traits from birth on the one hand is frustrating, on the other hand, it opens up new opportunities! Education fights? Then only make limited sense. Expensive tennis training, which I had to persuade the child for a long time? Can be deleted. Piano Lesson? Does not bring anything, unless you already had a genius in the family. Clearly Plomin also says that somehow you have to raise children, not let them to themselves. Basics like that, that they have to brush their teeth, eat well, learn to swim, I also get them, I teach them. I also like reading them. And everything that does not work so well? Predisposition. All disposition.



Educate children: It comes as it comes

Now, of course, you can be angry that the parents-in-law have so little positive input or are happy that Uncle Heinz was a gifted violin virtuoso. In the end it comes anyway as it comes. As a mother, at least I will not be able to do much about whether the kid is studying physics or the big guy is eventually becoming a full-time dealer. I also graduated at the end, even though in math I was a zero. I can only do one thing: trust. Our genes, myself and the children. Go to the gym? Learn piano? Read a lot of books? May and should they anyway. Without a goal. Maybe it brings something. And if it's just for fun.

Happy Brain: How to Overcome Our Neural Predispositions to Suffering | Amit Sood, MD | TEDxUNI (March 2024).



King's College