Constantly arguing in the relationship? what to do?
In short, not only does it seem smart to me - it's a must.
Now in detail: In the head of every halfway enlightened Central European drives now the idealistic relationship consultant his mischief. He will whisper urgently on this question that in a good relationship we should address everything, avoid conflict and always be authentic.
Relationships are never ideal
If we were to react to every little thing that annoys or even irritates our loved one, we would not be able to shower in order to clarify our relationship. It is also highly unlikely that our anger with "Oh sweetheart, how right you are! I am so sorry, it will never happen again" is answered (quite apart from us, that such an apology excuses even more on the Could bring palm). Instead, our lover will rather turn his eyes and moan: "My God, what is going on again?" And a minute later, we wonder if men always think they're right, or if women always make themselves victims. And nobody knows that it was originally only that the mobile phone cable was untraceable.
Everything opinion thing?
Basically, we always have to decide if it makes sense to voice our anger - with the risk of it escalating. As long as we feel good together, little things remain little things that we accept sympathetically. But it can also happen that the anger spoils the good mood like a thunderstorm an open-air concert. If the mood against it is already mau, annoying every Petitesse and we fall over it lightning fast in the familiar, unsatisfactory and desperate making quarrels.
Oskar Holzberg has been married for over 30 years and has been counseling couples for more than 20 years. He found that some sentences apply to all relationships. In each ChroniquesDuVasteMonde he introduces one of them.
© Ilona Habben
We experience the incontrovertible relationship truth, that it is never the events in themselves that disturb us - but that it is always the view that we have of these events. And this view depends on our constantly fluctuating feelings of relationship. This realization helps us a little bit further.
The new keyword: Resignative maturity
Of course, the solution can not be to eat everything inwardly without words and to rumble inside. In the long run, this will only lead us to withdraw from our relationship. And someday land in the arms of nice colleague. To accept without a word is only meaningful if we can let it go internally. We need the miracle drug called "resignative maturity" so aptly named by the couple therapist Arnold Retzer. The lived realization that we could fight for anything and yet never arrive in a relationship where we would never be disappointed and annoyed. We need humor and the ability to deal with our bad feelings on our own and to take the perspective of others.
A misplaced cellphone cable is certainly not one of them. And what should really be important to us should not be in anger about the little things - but learn to clarify in important discussions.
