Are you in a crisis? That's what you recognize!
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde: Ms. Priess, a friend of mine, was devastated when her cat died, and cried for two weeks at a time. Did not she overdo it?
DR. MIRRIAM PRIESS: I'd rather say your girlfriend did everything right. To accept, when a situation shakes me to the core, is the first step, if I want, that I feel better soon.?
It would not have been healthier if she had distracted herself or rationalized: is it just a cat ??
A crisis always shows that we have reached the limits of our coping ability. We feel powerless, our emotions roll over us, we do not know what to do next. Often even the body strikes. This inner chaos makes up the crisis. In which situations we reach this limit is very individual. Some people lose their lives when they lose their jobs and others when their partner leaves. But the death of a pet can bring one to this limit. To fight back against the crisis or to ignore the inner chaos only makes things worse.
Why is that?
If you do not want to feel that you can not deal with a situation, you can of course switch to defense and say "is not that bad" or "eyes to and through!" But this defense costs a lot of power and does not take you one step further. On the contrary: what is, is? the longer we displace it, the stronger the force it gets. In addition, one hardens internally. Many people continue to slip into crisis, sometimes to the point of total exhaustion.
Do you have an example?
Yesterday, a woman who had been in divorce for quite some time came to me in complete dissatisfaction. The day before, her husband had moved out after many months of argument. She had reckoned she was crazy about it, but instead she felt sad and lonely now. She told herself that her grief was nonsense, because she could be glad he was finally gone. But she had been pondering all night and not sleeping, and suddenly she was sitting in front of me with a weeping spasm. The more she fought against it with her hands and feet, the way she felt, the more she fainted.
And then?
With my support, the woman could face her own feelings without prohibitions. She admitted that, despite all the quarrels with her ex, she was deeply saddened when everything was over. Only when she was able to allow this sadness and her fear of loneliness without condemning herself did she become calmer after a while. I can only advise anyone caught in a crisis to get out of self-condemnation and into permitting and understanding your feelings and thoughts.
And how do you escape the danger of losing yourself in grief, disappointment or anger?
Imagine getting yourself into a water vortex while swimming. Those who swim against the vortex will not free themselves but only exhaust themselves and eventually drown. The only chance: you need to catch your breath and swim down? to the bottom, where the suction is weakest. Only there you can dive to the side and appear next to the whirlpool back to the water surface. For dealing with crises, this means that only those who follow the pull of their feelings and thoughts, come to the quiet point that allows him to emerge again. But that also means that at some point you have to make the sideways movement in order not to stay grounded and sink into his grief. You have to turn to the quiet point of the situation and look: What do I need? What is really important to me? In the process, one approaches ideas on how to deal with the situation. And then you have to implement them courageously step by step.
So, people who are good at dealing with crises still allow all the feelings of desperation to happen?
Yes. If they get into a situation they can not handle, they will not fight it. They accept everything that is, even that they are at their wit's end. And then they use all the strength they have left on themselves. They consciously turn to their feelings and thoughts and resist the impulse to act immediately. After some time they come to rest inside. And that allows them to act now.
What skills help to better manage crises?
People who are curious and open are easier. They see no punishment in difficult and painful situations, but their chance to grow. This helps them not to feel victimized. They also find easier ways to act in this new situation. Empathy for yourself is also valuable. Those who tend to condemn their feelings continue to turn into the crisis.And faith is important. Not necessarily religious faith. But fixed values provide support and help you not lose heart.
Attention, crisis!
If you notice the following signs of you, you are deeper in a crisis than you would like to believe. you have to act? in need with therapeutic support.
Feelings of powerlessness: You have I've been feeling "I'm shitty, but I can not change that."
Flight behavior: Without several glasses of wine or beer in the evening you can not switch off anymore. You also numb your inner voice with constant work or other activities.
Rigidity: You sense yourself that you are arguing more and more often for your role or official position: "After all, I am your / your ..." It could be that something is fundamentally changing in your life that you do not want to accept.
walls: You often retreat into silence or simply negate problems. You may even feel that others are harassing you when they speak to you.
The feeling "I am less valuable": You've often had the feeling lately that other people are somehow over you or that a situation is "stronger than you". This loss of eye level is a typical sign of a crisis.
Dr. Mirriam Prieß is a doctor and psychotherapist in Hamburg. Her current book: "Resilience - the secret of inner strength".
The seven pillars of crisis resistance
acceptance
"It is like it is." Who makes this simple sentence to his mantra in crisis, strengthens itself. To accept a situation does not mean that you have to find it okay. However, it makes a difference if I accept that my partner has left me and I am sad about it. Or if I do not even mourn, because I always think: If I had behaved differently, that would not have happened! Only those who accept a situation can actively deal with it.
So you strengthen your ability to accept: Practice accepting things as they are, rather than fighting them inwardly? even if you do not like it. There are enough exercise fields. The queue at the cash register, the complaining neighbor. Say goodbye to the thought, "That can not be true!" and say to you, "It is how it is." Let go of the resistance and instead explore curiously what triggers the situation in you. Impatience? Memories of an annoying uncle? The ability to connect with yourself strengthens your soul.
Take responsibility for your own role
Often we have the feeling in a crisis: I can do nothing, I am a victim of the circumstances. These feelings of powerlessness are normal? but in the long run exhausting.
So you strengthen your ability to shake off the powerlessness: Those who are stuck in feelings of powerlessness usually have a lot of blame for others in mind: "If X would do this and that differently, I would feel better." A very simple trick helps to get out of this sacrificial attitude and the passive role: rewrite the sentence to refer to yourself. Then there would be: "If I would do this and that differently, I would feel better." Most of the time we realize with this reformulation that there is something true about this statement as well? and we are switching from powerlessness to autonomous roles.
Personal goals
Who knows what is really important to him, will find support and orientation even in difficult times. If, on the other hand, you orient yourself in crisis to very general goals or to those that others pretend to, you quickly lose contact with yourself? and thus access to his powers.
To strengthen your ability to develop personal goals: When you think about a situation that you currently find difficult? For example, a conflict at work or in the family? ask yourself: Which change would relieve you personally? For example, in the face of constant arguments with your pubescent son, you may think that you have to resolve this conflict from scratch. But looking at your personal goal, you may find that relieving your son of two household chores would be relieving.
optimism
Optimistic people know that every crisis will pass someday. They assume that things are likely to become good. They are not naive or blue-eyed; they are quite true when they go through difficult times. But they do not even pull down with black paint.?
How to boost your optimism: Think back to difficult times that you have already been through successfully: What positive developments have emerged for you from these crises in the end? Keep feeling positive even in difficult times and do little things that you enjoy.
Positive view of yourself
Studies show again and again: He who believes in himself and his strengths, succeeds more because he bravely precedes step by step. On the other hand, constant self-criticism robs one of strength and courage. That's why it makes sense, especially in difficult situations, to recall its strong sides.
So you strengthen your positive view of yourself: Make a small list of problems that you have already solved in your life. Note: These skills have helped me master the challenge.
Recognize and use options for action
One of the great capabilities of the Crisis Solid is that they will always find a way to actively direct their destiny in a positive direction. They still see a (perhaps small) opportunity to act themselves in every situation. And who comes into action, also dispels the paralyzing feeling of being powerless.
How to explore options for action: The next time you face a seemingly unsolvable problem: mark two squares on the ground. In one field you put a piece of paper with the inscription "unchangeable things". The second field is labeled "Changeable Things". Place yourself in the first field and feel inside yourself: What comes to your mind? Then step into the other field, "Changeable Things," and ask yourself the same question. The idea behind it: "In crisis situations, we often just hang on to the conditions that are unchangeable. With this exercise you will not only see more clearly which things you can not actually change at the moment? You will also clearly recognize your options for action.
accept help
Support from others is one of the strongest sources of power that people have. Often, however, we are ashamed to seek help when we are in trouble. Or we do not even think that someone could help us.?
So you strengthen your ability to see helpIn any crisis, it's worth considering: which person could help me deal with this situation? Do I need someone who can just listen well? Someone who has more idea of concrete things than me? Think about who of your friends was in a similar situation and mastered them well. Find this way for your problems "experts".
You wish you more mindfulness in everyday life? With us you will find even more articles on the subject. -> Mindfulness
