"A right to clear relationships"
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde-woman.de: How do you interpret the behavior of Sabine's husband?
Dr. Sandra Konrad: Confidence-building measures are important after an infidelity, so that the betrayed partner can get involved in the relationship again. Sabine's husband, however, behaves confusingly and in a sense continues his double life, ignoring his wife. Presumably, he wants to do justice to all concerned, so be a good father to his illegitimate son and protect his wife by never seeing the boy.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde-woman.de: Do you often experience such cases in your practice?
Dr. Sandra Konrad: The situation presented here is extreme, because it is not just about working up an affair and the resulting breach of trust, but also about the question of how the child born of the extramarital relationship is integrated into the life of the spouse. Mistrust and insecurity are typical consequences of an infidelity. It requires a clear decision of both partners to continue the relationship and to get involved again.
ChroniquesDuVasteMonde-woman.de: What do you advise Sabine - should she part with her husband?
Dr. Sandra Konrad: As a therapist, I support my clients in their development and do not give direction. Sabine decided to stay with her husband. However, the two have obviously neglected to talk about dealing with the illegitimate son. Sabine should be aware of her needs and then communicate them clearly to her husband, so that both can work together to find a way to deal with the new, difficult situation. Both Sabine and the extra-marital son ultimately have a right to a clear relationship. If they can not do that alone, I would call in a third person. This can be a mediator or a therapist.
Graduate psychologist Sandra Konrad has a practice for couple and family therapy in Hamburg.
