The education of teenagers sometimes feels like a minefield. A thoughtless word and already explodes the pubescent child, which was just such a sweet Fratz. Especially descriptive describes the Jan Weiler in his bestseller "The Puberty".

But how do we prevent the situation from escalating at home and how do we talk to the teenager? Felicitas Römer, Systemic couple and family therapist, family coach and author ("Mama, chill times puberty and still in a good mood", Patmos Verlag 2014) has a few good tips for you:

10 no-gos in dealing with teenagers

1. Do not give your child a glorified "In my youth, everything was better" speeches. Not true first. And secondly, this will only upset your teen or yawn.
2. Do not mess with your teenager's outfit. Okay, see-through top and fishnet tights in school do not necessarily have to be. Otherwise, however, applies: new youth, new styles. That must be so!
3. A teenager hates being treated like a toddler. "Watch if you cross the street!" or "Please eat your sandwich, dear." - The annoyed look of the adolescent is guaranteed!
4. Teenagers dress with their parents to emancipate themselves from them. Mum and Dad are not the coolest anymore. Teenagers get the idea that we're just ordinary people. That we have quirks, but unfortunately not always right. To be confronted with that is not really fun. But hey: Take it with humor, instead of withdrawing insulted. Come a) cooler over and b) better for the relationship with your child.
5. Your teenager is moody, bitchy, messy? Normal. The brain is like a major construction site, the hormones provide emotional roller coaster rides, parents and school annoying. Who could stay relaxed? So do not put any bad intentions on the teenager. He does not do that to annoy you. But because he just has to go through it now. And you have to go with it.
6. No: You and your teenager, you are not "best friends" - and you should not be. The point now is to differentiate oneself in a loving way. Peer groups and homies are more important to your teenager now. Your job is to be present. And please also embarrassing.
7. Scroll through the teen's diary, scroll through his chat history, or trudge into the youth room without knocking? Does not work! The teenager has a right to his intimacy and privacy. And his secrets are much better off with his girlfriend or boyfriend now.
8. Scolding, threatening and punishing? It is usually of little help in education anyway, but it is absolutely counterproductive in adolescence. Your dominance is shrinking anyway. And that's good. To have much better than power over the teenager is to be in relationship with him.
9. Also paternalism is now taboo. A father who decides over his teenage and a mother who always knows what's right for the kid make it unnecessarily difficult for the family. Young people have to learn to take responsibility for themselves and make their own decisions. For that they need a lot, a lot of practice. And more and more freedom.
10. You like it harmoniously and often go out of the way of dispute? Too bad. Because your teenager likes to rub and needs you as a sparring partner. Even if it sometimes costs strength: tackle conflicts and occasionally let the scraps fly. Whoever is sweet is just too lazy to argue.

Movie tip: "The Puberty" (on DVD)

What else you should know about the teenage education (and its failure), you will also learn in the very entertaining movie "The Puberty" - u.a. with Jan Josef Liefers, Heike Makatsch, Detlef Buck, after the bestseller by Jan Weiler.

Also read

From the everyday life of a daddy: How crazy is puberty!

Common Mistakes Teenage Entrepreneurs Make (May 2024).