One thing men want more than sex? and that's just what we can hardly give

Men supposedly think about sex every 7 seconds (twice as often during puberty). And if they talk to a woman, it's always with the ulterior motive of getting her to bed. This idea is so prevalent and anchored in our minds that when we do not want to sleep with us, sometimes we even ask ourselves: Does not he find me attractive?And that we regard it as "typically male" to be sex.

But it is high time to say goodbye to it! And we do not say that, but one who needs to know: Jed Diamond, 73, psychiatrist, therapist? and without a doubt a man. In a blog entry on "goodmanproject," Diamond writes: "How often do we hear the statement 'Men always just want sex?' When I was 17, I was sure it was true." When I was 37, I sensed that she could be wrong, today, at 73, I'm sure she's not true. "

Safe harbor instead of sex

What his life experience as well as his numerous discussions with patients and other representatives of his sex revealed to him:More than anything, men want safety and security, a home and a "safe haven", This longing, according to Diamond, is ultimately behind her desire to sleep with someone.

Sex "gives us a sense of peace and homecoming that goes far beyond sexual pleasure gratification," writes the psychologist. He is a kind Break and relax from performance and competitive pressure, in which men in particular often stand (let's leave it that way? but doubt that the competitive pressure of society for men is really greater than for women !!!). But actually men could do without sexual intercourse as well? if they got a sense of security.

"One of the things I love the most is putting my head in my wife's lap and having her scratched," Diamond writes. No sex, but safe haven. If only the question arises: If Diamond is right, then why do we rarely hear from men sentences like "Let's just cuddle today"or"Please just be there for me"?

Fear of unmanliness

Because, according to the expert, one of the biggest fears of many (especially heterosexual) men is to come across unmanly. And to be mothered and to admit that you want protection and security, is considered not particularly male ...

Which brings us to the reasons why Diamond tries to explain why women often find it hard to give men the much desired safe haven (without being asked): "Women are afraid of men who do not feel male, They know that most men who become violent are men who feel weak and dependent, "the psychologist said, adding that women actually want more" male "partners because they tend to be more like a mother instead of feeling like a partner.

The beauty of Diamonds thesis is: It does not matter if she's right or not. If we work on the problem behind it, we can only win! Because when fear, in both men and women, is the main reason why men are "reduced" to their sex drive and can not get what they really want, the solution is clear: We all just need a bit more courage (for example about honesty and being different). More courage and (self-) confidence!