Fear: The dream of a fearless life
If we could choose a character trait, I chose the fearlessness without hesitation. I would like to be bold and fearless. One who faces life with a calm smile.
Fearless people are rare; in fact, nobody immediately thinks of me. Ingrid Betancourt maybe? Despite death threats, she ran in Colombia for the presidency until guerrillas deprived her of her freedom. Or Eva Joly? The woman who was at mortal danger led the investigation of the French judiciary in the case of Elf Aquitaine. Tirelessly, she fights corruption, never knowing if her car will not blow up the next time she turns the key. They are women who stand up to death. Still, they are not fearless, on the contrary, their fear is outrageous, only they have decided not to bow to it, they are brave women.
It is not the lack of courage that I complain about. So far, at least, I've usually upset him, the little everyday courage when it needed it: I give the challenge mostly over safety, get wine from the basement despite fear of spiders, travel to dangerous countries, imagine the reflection, have the Courage to love and tell superiors that they are playing a wrong game, make me straight for people and beliefs, protest aloud when the cashier wheels the afghan, as if he does not have all the cups in the cupboard, and hopefully I'll throw myself in between if whoever attacks in the subway whoever. No, I no longer wanted courage, but fearlessness.
The opposite of the restlessness and tension that whips us through the day like small electric shocks. In the heart, a diffuse panic that expresses in latent irritability and with fondness at three at night raises to the grand monologue: Did I strongly advocate my opinion at the conference? Did not I interrupt Z. too? And why does not S. strengthen my back? Presumably, it has long since been decided that Z. will take over the project. The day after tomorrow is parents' evening, I can not do it again. The little one is already in high school, my God, time is running, not much longer, and the kids are leaving the house, it's all so fast. The main thing, that works now with the birthday party, maybe B. can help me, but that was so funny last time. Why does it never actually announce itself? Are you no longer in my friendship? And I have to check the pain in the abdomen times, I'm not running again today, God, I'm getting old. Cryptic self-talk in the endless loop - grueling and fruitless.
"What's the worst thing a person can do? Stink, cheat, torture. And what's the best? Be friendly, confident, fearless." Vladimir Nabokov has said that, and what at first sounds like a strange series of adjectives, has to be simply paradisiacal: friendly, confident, fearless - not as a temporary state, but as a nature. Then life would look different in one go.
